My response is not intended to diminish your experiences, whatsoever.
Did you report these crimes to anyone? Sponsor, or law enforcement? If not, I encourage you to do so, immediately, and to contact Victim's Services to provide assistance to you. I've been involved in 12-Step programs since 1975 and the first "rule" of meeting conduct is to never get involved with fellow members. There is a reason for this and it has to do with why we have personal issues that are a catalyst for our addictions, to begin with.
It is a moral imperative to report ANY sexual assault, regardless of whether it was in the room of an AA meeting, or by a fellow AA member. You typed that you had been in a relationship with all three of the rapists, and you did not deserve this and you need to report these crimes to someone and get onto your healing path so that you learn how to avoid these types.
As far as AA not being a safe place, it has been a godsend and lifesaver for tens of millions of people across the globe. Everywhere you go, there will be predators. The only reason that it seems as if there are more predators within these groups is because those of us that engage in them are vulnerable, and we're laying out those vulnerabilities right out there during meetings. This is one of the main reasons that we don't date fellow members. Ever.
Even outside of any support group, it is estimated that 20% of the population is at some level of sociopathy. That means that 20 out of every 100 people that you walk past could possibly be a sociopath. A sociopath doesn't have to have bodies in a basement. The only requirements for sociopathy are an absence of conscience, empathy, remorse, or pity.
One woman that I know did marry a fellow member after knowing him for 3 years. He told her that he and a friend were going to climb Mt. Everest. This is not a joke, and it's not an anecdote - this is 100% true. She, being vulnerable and needy, trusted his word and I questioned how someone who had NEVER even climbed a rock face could possibly imagine that they were going to attempt to climb Everest without years of training. She shrugged and said that it had been something that he and his friend had kept on their bucket lists, for years.
So. This man and his friend take off for a month. Then, they come back. Then, she begins seeing his cell phone blow up with incoming messages and emails when he set it aside a couple of times. She finally picked it up, one day, when he was in the the shower and discovered that her husband had taken a grand sex-tour to Thailand and paid out a tremendous amount of money to engage in every manner of sexual deviance, including taking the virginity of an 8-year-old child.
We do not date fellow members. Ever. If something criminal happens to us, we report it, immediately. These are things that we must do in order to protect ourselves, and others.
Finally, doing stepwork at home without the interaction of good, solid members to guide us and support us is reckless. It is generally unsuccessful.
Please. Don't judge any 12-Step program on the actions of a few. And, pay close attention to who is claiming what about whom. Those of us who are involved in these groups aren't there because we're bored. We're there because we need to do some serious work on ourselves. And, some of us suffer from addictions to drama/trauma.
Best wishes to you
For more information on reporting a crime, visit: www.rainn.org.
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