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Published: 13 years ago
This is a reply to # 1,730,407


I agree with Seek2b - thank God, The Great Creator, Jehovah, Mohammed, Buddah, or any other name you wish to choose.  Someone took a courageous leap and made the call that was needed.  Yes, there are many unpleasant challenges ahead of you, but you will - WILL - take them on and put these episodes in perspective.

I'm going to try to explain some things that might help ease your mind:

#1 - You did nothing to deserve what was done to you.  You didn't "ask" for it, and you didn't want it.  The man that did this to you is a monster, regardless of whether he seemed to make your mother happy, or not.  He is a monster.  A monster.  SAY IT OUT LOUD - HE IS A MONSTER.

#2 - What he did to you may be legally termed a sexua| crime, but his actions had little to do with sex.  Rape is not about sex.  It's about control and ownership.  This is a fact and anyone who has the nerve to call you names because you were victimized would be doing so out of fear - fear that such a horrible thing could happen to the, as well.  If anyone calls you ugly names, walk away from them and pity them for their stupidity.  Yes, you're allowed to be angry, but don't take that anger out on others or it will make you no better than that monster.  You cannot control what other people are going to think, believe, or say. 

#3 - Your mother is sad because (speaking from personal experience with abuse) she feels responsible for what happened to you and she feels that she failed you in the worst way that a parent can - she failed to protect you, she failed to recognize a monsterous predator, and she failed to stop what was happening.  She trusted this THING, and her trust was shattered, and her confidence as a protector and nurturing parent has also been shattered.  This is how she feels.

#4 - Intensive therapy is strongly and urgently suggested for both you and your mother so that you each can heal from this horrible breach in trust, and to prepare for the events which will follow.

Get mad at this man.  You'll probably never know what went on behind closed doors, but chances are that your mother endured some type of abusive treatment, as well.  You have an opportunity to stop this man from ever doing this type of thing to another human being, and you also have the opportunity to advocate for other victims of such crimes once your feet have settled firmly on your own healing path. 

Remember this, always:  you cannot control anything else in the Universe except you.  You couldn't stop that monster, so please forgive yourself and don't dare carry any guilt for what he did to you.  YOU are the victim and HE is the perpetrator - it wouldn't be any different had he beaten you on a regular basis, and our society tends to place a great deal of emphasis on rape as being sexually motivated, which is simply not true.  You can't heal your mother, either.  She is going to have to face down her own demons, or not.  But, you, dear heart, are a brave, strong, and valuable human being and this experience does not have to define who you are for the rest of your life if you refuse to allow it to.

May you find peace, comfort, and strength in the days, weeks, and months to come, and may you be a beacon of hope to other victims.  God bless you.


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