Hello J I read ur post n I am trully sry that you went through all this nightmare! No one deserves to go through any kind of harmful trauma! I my self am a survivor of rape. I was four at the time. It was a friend of the fam n later became a step cousin. He was 18 n I was 4. He was a total monster when he sexually abused me! Penetrated me made me bleed. He too beat me bad that I actually past out at times when he would beat n rape me. And he too threatend to kill my mom n my siblings n my dad. I lived with the embarrassment and fear for 17 long years n would always blame my self for what had happen to me when I was four! ... keep your head up. You'll see that time heals. Im a 29 year old man and do have a healthy life with my fam but specially with my mom! My mom also blamed her her self as your mom blamed her self too. But time will show her that u guys are not at fault! I'm glad things are turning out for the best for you. Keep your mind distracted n do much activity that u enjoy doing. Playing the drums n other instruments really helped me heal my soul n heart! Ull have ur ups n downs, but its only temporary! Ull be fine and you and your mom will have a healthy life style! My prayers are with you. Keep ur mind and heart busy with what ur heart desire! (Music, acting, sports, what ever it is u love to do) and share it with ur love ones specially with your beautiful mom! God bless you brotha! Need any advise or just talk feel free ro email me! Much love from my part to u and ur mom!