For me, easy is right. "Intense sadhana" sounds like too much of being in - tension to me... too much like working... not enough like playing for my taste... I have worked enough. I am retired... that is: I'm tired of being tired... that's what being re-tired is, isn't it?
never born... never died...
he may be dead according to you... he never was alive according to you either...
just enjoy your man while he is alive... ever think about going to fiji? Once he goes, you may regret that you have not gone there while he is still physically available...