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Holiday Dreams, Visions & Decisions
contemplative on the Day After
Date: 11/28/2008 2:44:28 PM ( 17 y ) ... viewed 4366 times And so another Thanksgiving in America is over and done with. While many are out engaging in rampant consumerism this "black Friday", I'm in my little office being semi-contemplative.
Sure there's a lot that I'm grateful for. Grateful to not be in Mumbai, first of all. And sending my thoughts and prayers there. So much going on here on our dear Earth where healing is needed.
How the heck do I in my sheltered little world know what others clear across the globe need, anyway? Ponder that, if you please. If you choose.
Or not.
I like this page about the huge Thanksgiving truth:
http://rwor.org/a/firstvol/883/thank.htm
Seriously.
And now, on to another topic related to my Thanksgiving yesterday...
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After taking a good long break from 12-step people and their meetings I decided to accept an invitation from a friend to a Thanksgiving with people from the 12-step fellowship I've attended over the years here in the municipality I so fondly call Vibrational Health Village. It was a pleasant Thanksgiving really. So was my Thanksgiving at a lush Denver hotel mezzanine in jazzy splendor with my family. It was all quite scenic, calm, and pleasant.
I have realized though that this whole idea of what I refer to as staying in the wound that 12-step recovery folks choose to do just isn't where I want to be anymore. I have definitely made a decision many years ago (15 to be exact) not to use any drugs...none...and alcohol is a drug, too, by definition. So are prescription drugs. They are all outside my realm of choice.
But this insistence on remaining in the wound that 12-step recovery is based on keeps people way too close to the wound. I do not want to keep being pulled back to the edge of the wound. I am not in the wound or by the edges of the wound anymore and do not want to be. It is not a place to be.
Like, who wants to live on the slopes of an active volcano?
Don't get me wrong...I think the 12 step programs have saved countless lives and will continue to do so. These are peer-run recovery programs that cost nothing except a voluntary donation, and provide roomsful of people who are choosing one day at a time not to use drugs/alcohol, and they are a remarkable powerful resource for people caught up in active addiction who want to change their lives and get clean/sober.
I wish the very best to the 12 step programs and the marvelous people in them. I am no different than they are...we are all human and doing the best we can in the present moment to live this human life on earth.
I want to experience joy. Every day. I do not want my life to be a struggle for survival. I want to help others. I want to spend joyous time with my family. I'm open to the possibility of a healthy relationship post-divorce, and do believe this is possible even for a gal my age, despite the oft-grim statistics that state otherwise.
I just do not want to dwell in the wound. I define myself as a human. With infinite possibilities. I am not defined by my weaknesses or my past mistaken choices.
I am grateful for the calm quiet present moment. Grateful for my human body, for my breath, for my cells, for what I have learned about health and healing in recent years.
I am grateful for friends and family, and for what I have learned about recovery over the years.
Peace to all of you....for now and for all Thanksgivings to come...
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