Re: Introspection & Analysis - is my conclusion correct?

Hi newmember2004,

>Did you ever communicate these issues with her??
>Does she try to contribute to the relationship?

Yes we discussed those issues several times, e.g. her lack of inititives, and lack of sex drive. She will agree (she's very logical and analytical), and weep at the same time. And I'll feel like a cruel master. Then we'll make up, and she'll try to improve for a couple of weeks, then fall back to her normal self.

After I read some personality type books, I start to understand this is because we are of different types, so it builds up my tolerance, and improves my behavior. For example, she's of a type called Phlegmatic which tends to be laid back, and lack initiative; while I'm of the type called Choleric, which tends to take initiative, and get angry when things are inefficeint etc. So I no longer gets angry when she falls back to her normal self. I accept the wisdom that it's furtile to change the other party in a relationship.

However, an increase in tolerance through understanding does not necessarily decrease my dissatisfaction in the relationship, because there are things that can't change and it's not her falut, e.g. she tends to be cold, and her figure etc.


>Did you ever try to help her take more initatives etc..?

Yes I tried. For example, I pushed her to think more about her career. I also suggested her to take the ownership of some of the home-improvement tasks I listed, e.g. do research on how to prevent identity theft. She usually gives me a dirty/resentful look. Ok, I'm a slave driver.


>One way to really know if she is the one..or if you were
>meant to be..Is to break up. I think so at least. Go your
>separate ways..Sometimes healing, takes time and you have
>to let go first.

I agree this is a good idea. But shall I leave the option open (to both of us) during the breakup by suggesting to her that we go our own ways, meet some new people, and then decide if we shall get back together after a year or two.

Or shall I leave her no possibility of ever getting back, thus forcing her to move on. Any story like your friend's would just be extra surprise, i.e. don't plan for it, and don't expect much.

I guess you were suggesting the latter. I just want to make sure.

Thanks,

Ronin