Re: How can I help?

I've developed an incredible friendship with a truly wonderful young woman...

10 months after we met, we decided to date...initially everything was seemingly normal, but then after a few weeks, things started to disintegrate.

She became distant and indifferent towards me. after much frustration, hurt and anger, she told me how she had been raped when she was 11 yrs old (she's 25 now), and that this was a pattern for her...she would get close to someone, and shortly thereafter, become scared. she thought that it was something that she had dealt with, but she knew she needed to get back into therapy.

The intimacy came to a screeching halt, and it got to the point that when she stayed at my house if she woke up and i had my arm around her she would leave the room, and sometimes cry. i made a conscious effort to not touch her at all during the night.

She became uncomfortable with any sort of touching because she thought that if she let me rub her back, or kiss her, or engage in any sort of intimacy, that i would expect sex from her.

I told her that not every time I touch her, does it mean I want to have sex.

But still she pushed me away.

I even told her at one point that I would be willing to give up sex until she was ready ... until she felt comfortable ... but that I still wanted to have a committed relationship.

She appreciated it, but she still distanced herself from me. we have finally decided that dating at this time is not going to work out for us...this was more her decision than mine, because i never wanted her to feel that i was giving up on her because of what she had been through and is continuing to go through. there is a deep connection between us, and we love each other, but as of now she is unable to be a partner. please...someone recommend some books to read, give me some advice...i love her dearly, and it pains me to know what she has been through...she's my best friend, and i don't want to lose her. right now, i'm just taking her cue and being the best friend to her that i can be ...

please help me ... I have no one to talk to about this, and i'm frustrated and hurt and want to do the right thing.