This Blog Is Done 8 y
I coped with the betrayal, and I'm moving on
When I first began this particular blog, it was for several purposes. To vent, rant, and rave about the depth and breadth of betrayals that I had experienced, as well as to share events and progress as I recovered and began my healing processes. There were other purposes, as well, and I don’t need to explain them all in this venue.
I’m not going to recollect all that I experience as the result of a 14+ year con, or the previous damage that was sustained in a 15+ year violent relationship. If anyone’s interested, they can read some of the older entries.&nb ... read more
Balanced, centered, grounded 8 y
Recovery and healing from any trauma is within our own power
Well...all I can say is that it's been a long, strange trip for me, and there have been many eye openers, to be sure. I have learned many things about myself, my abilities, my vulnerabilities, and my own level of courage that I never would have even considered had it not been for my experience of the past 3 1/2 years.
For anyone who is in the midst of a devastating betrayal, or attempting to exit a toxic relationship, or facing family dysfunction, I want to offer hope that there lies in each one of us a very precious pearl that is just waiting for us to rinse and wipe aw ... read more
Love Bomb 9 y
Childhood defense mechanism becomes an adult behavioral disability
In previous entries, I've mentioned a noted behavior defined as the "love-bomb." Nearly every human being drops one of these, from time to time, or frequently, depending upon their motives, their histories, and their intentions.
For survivors of childhood and adult traumas, it's a defense mechanism with genuine intentions and expectations. When I refer to "adult trauma," I'm not talking about a single traumatic event, though that certainly does have it's own place in "trauma" discussion. What I'm referring to is ... read more
Revenge 9 y
Let Karma Deal With Vengeance
This is a very long entry, so be forewarned.
I was in a recent discussion with someone that was horribly abused as a child, and coming to terms with what her parent did to her, and all of the rest of the baggage that comes along with the childhood traumas. One thing that she aggressively bristled at was the issue of deep-seated, uncontrolled, and misdirected "anger.". She didn't believe that she had any anger issues, at all, and became very defensive of this - I understand, completely , because I've come to my own personal epiphanies about my reactio ... read more
My Responsibilities And Accountability 9 y
I am not a Professional Victim
So, I'm moving through this part of the calendar year with far less anxiety and depression than I have for many, many years. In a previous post, I described how the two ex-spouses each worked their manipulations to "take away" all things that had been important to me. This is a classic, typical, and recognized behavior of all abusers, and it's important to accept this fact in order to move on.
Once the business of "moving on" had actually begun, I was able to step back and observe my own choices, actions, and behaviors that caused me to ch ... read more
Coming Full Circle 9 y
I am not defined by my experiences
Right, so a little over 3 years ago, I experienced a life-altering event that catapulted me into recovery and healing that I never expected. During these past 3 years, I've had the opportunity to do a great deal of contemplation - contemplation is quite separate from rumination , and it's a healthy examination of feelings, facts, concerns, experiences, etc...........
One thing that I've felt was that I have come full-circle. During my first marriage to a violent abuser, everything that was important was dismissed - holidays, birthdays, milestones, specia ... read more
"Assertive" vs. "Aggressive" 9 y
Childhood traumas create passive/aggressive behaviors
I recently learned what "assertive" actually meant with regard to communicating.
According to Merriam Webster's online Dictionary, the definition of "assertive" is as follows:
: disposed to or characterized by bold or confident statements and behavior <an assertive leader>
: having a strong or distinctive flavor or aroma < assertive wines>
— as·ser·tive·ly adverb
— as·ser·tive·ness noun
For an individual th ... read more
Recovery, Healing, and Time 9 y
Recovery is a Whole-Self Process
So, it's been over 3 years since my marriage ended, abruptly. I've experienced a number of serious challenges - dealing with "friends" and coworker ridicule, use, and abuse, as well as surviving conditions that many wouldn't know how to approach. And, here's what I've discovered: it's all okay.
It was about 2 1/2 years of living in a vortex of fear, panic, and sadness, and this evolved into something much more positive. The way that this happened was that I did some seriously challenging work to determine my own responsibil ... read more
Mind, Body, Spirit 9 y
Recovery and healing takes time, patience, and hard work, but it does happen.
So.........this has long since ceased being about what "he did" and evolved into "what I can do to help myself." Certainly, I can recollect the behaviors, deceptions, and betrayals of both exspaths, but they're just a part of the Whole Story. What it boils down to is that my dysfunctional childhood experiences created what could possibly have remained a "Terminal Victim."
My personal path of recovery is making a turn in the road - a turn into actual healing . This is the part of recovery that I've been so anxious to arrive t ... read more
Recovery and Safety 9 y
Self-protection is healthy, not "being mean"
I'm going to say that it's official, now. I'm finally in recovery and healing from my lifetime of traumas and poor decision-making.
Having typed that, it's so important for me to remember that I am "in recovery" and not "cured" of my emotional issues. I never experienced what could be remotely referred to as a "normal" emotional environment, so my recovery and healing is a lifetime journey, and not a destination. And, that's just fine - the journey is never a dull moment. I'm work ... read more
"Prayer" in Recovery 9 y
Mindfulness and connecting the mind with the heart are the cores of recovery and healing
Right. So, I haven't really discussed my spirituality, in depth, during most of this blog - how long has it been since I started it? Wow......... That aside, spirituality is vastly different than religion, and it's a very personal and private matter. I hold to no organized system of beliefs, but I take some of this, some of that, and what makes sense to me, as an individual. I was raised in a Christian environment and was enrolled in parochial school, so I have a Judeo-Christian basis which, oh-by-the-way, was used/abused as a means of control and ... read more
Connecting Thinking And Feeling 9 y
I believed that I would literally die from feeling my pain - and, I didn't
So, we go onto various websites and read information that may (or, may not) resonate, and we regurgitate that information to ourselves, and for the benefit of others. But, is there an emotional impact of this information with relation to past traumas?
Knowing and feeling are two different scenarios. What I "know" may not meet what I "feel" on an emotional level. For my healing, there has to be a conduit between my gut and soul straight to my thinking self. For an individual who has been raised in a dysfunctional environment and/or experi ... read more
"Dwelling" Dreams and Cleaning House 9 y
Finding emotional healing by taking proactive steps
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For years.......many years.......I've had a recurring theme of "dwellings" in my dreams. I understand this symbolism, and it's been very strange to observe how these dwelling images have altered since I began having them.
Just a little background on this: I was previously married to a violent abuser, had 2 children with him, and got out believing I had "healed" from my experiences and had met a wonderful man with whom I would spend the rest of my life. Second spouse turned out to be just as much of a sociopath as the first one, but h ... read more