Cognitive Dissonance 9 y
...Denial is NOT a river in Egypt
When we are faced with an association that is toxic, we often fall into what is clinically termed as, ”Cognitive Dissonance.” This is a recognized and crippling response to trauma that creates a barrier of healing and recovery.
Cog/diss is what occurs when Person #1’s behaviors do not fit into Person #2’s systems of beliefs and Person #2 attempts to force them to fit because the truths and facts are too painful to process.
Some composers use various blends of notes to develop an physically uncomfortable response to a listener. Dissonance - it doesn’t fit together, comfortably. Cog ... read more
Non-romantic Narcissist 11 y
Friend or Narcissist?
When I started "Floating the Abyss," it was with the intention of recollecting my personal experiences with domestic violence and abuse, and how I managed to get out and find my healing path. At this point, I feel that it’s very important to recount experiences with all manners of people whose intent is to use and abuse others, for whatever purpose. I made a passing mention of this on a recent discussion forum: NPD Suvrivors, and I’m going to recount how and why this happened, again, this time.
Okay - I work at a studio. I meet all types of people, ... read more
"But, they LOVE me!" 11 y
Flattery as a Lure
The most common denominator in cases of domestic violence and abuse is the illusion that the victim is "loved" by their abuser to such a degree that the abuser "can’t live without" the victim, and the victim is has been thoroughly convinced that they can’t live without their abuser. Even I said the same thing, "But, he loves me so much!" This, of course, was before I understood what "love" truly meant.
An abuser, like a malignant narcissist/sociopath, has no use or understanding of what "love" is. In the World Of ... read more
Why do I blog? 11 y
This is a good question for me to answer.
"Soulful, all of your posts seem so negative and bitter. Why do you even post, at all?"
My posts may seem bitter and negative, at first glance. But, what I am hoping that readers get from my own experiences are facts and Truths that may educate them, and give them courage to either end the cycle of abuse in their own relationsip(s), or to make themselves availalbe to someone that they know who is enduring an abusive relationship.
My words, while seemingly bitter, are frank, open, honest, and utterly Truthful.&nb ... read more
"You're CRAZY!" 11 y
People just "don't get it"
One of the prevalent responses that victims of domestic violence and/or abuse experience is the, "You’re CRAZY!" judgement whether they remain with their abusers, or choose to leave them. Chances are that peripheral friends and extended family members are dubious about the relationship, but are completely unaware of just "how bad" the environment truly is, especially if children are involved. The victim is "crazy" for staying, yet just as "crazy" if they make the decision to leave - it’s a Catch 22 where the victim is damned for stay ... read more
It Goes Around 11 y
Break the cycle
Having been involved with domestic violence and abuse, on one level or another, for the past 30 years, it never ceases to amaze me at how thoroughly ignorant General Johnny Public is about this epidemic. The more prevalent domestic violence and abuse becomes, the more blind, deaf, and dumb the public seems to become. With specific regard to breaking the cycle, there is nothing more glaring than the statistical facts - facts which are amassed by emergency rooms, primary care physicians, law enforcement, etc., only because they have been reported . The violence that goes o ... read more
"The Rant" 11 y
Explanations and Defenses
When I made the decision to leave the abusive environment and began ”talking” to family and friends about what actually happened in our household, their disbelief was complete. Recounting specific events of threatened suicide, beatings, rape, financial ruin, emotional torture, etc., were met with little-to-no understanding or sympathy, and the majority of responses were that I had slipped a proverbial cog, and was utterly insane. The former abuser’s facade was so convincing that people honestly believed that we were the ”perfect couple,” basically because we laughed and joked a ... read more
Accepting "Truth" 11 y
Truth = Soul Searching
For me, one of the most difficult steps to take on my healing path was the acceptance of "Truth." Truth refers to fact, regardless of perception, fault, or blame. Truth quite simply just "is." Truth isn’t typically warm and fuzzy, comfortable, flattering, or necessarily positive, and this is where I see most people getting mired down in their exit and recovery. Accepting Truth means putting aside my ego and calling a spade a spade, whether I want to, or not.
I had to look back down my path of near-destruction and pinpoint my actions, choic ... read more
No Contact 11 y
What "No Contact" means and why it's vital.
When we sever a relationship with an abuser, we often exit under strained circumstances fully believing that we are the ones who are crazy. Ending any relationship with an abuser is fraught with complications, whether the relationship was platonic or romantic. If the abuser is a family member, ending the toxic relationship is even more difficult as abusers routinely make a huge fuss over blood being thicker than water and how ”family” ALWAYS supports and forgives.
”No Contact,” or NC, means exactly what it says and is one of the hardest exercises to practice to effectively cut an abus ... read more
Forgiveness? 11 y
Is forgiving an abuser required for me to heal?
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During my years on my healing path, the subject of forgiveness has cropped up many, many times. Again, the use of CAPS is only meant to emphasize and not to be interpreted as screaming or shouting.
Is forgiveness necessary for personal healing? In my opnion which is based upon personal experience, as well as witness to other victims of domestic abuse/violence, forgiveness is a personal issue that is not to be judged by another human being. I personally do not believe that forgiving an abuser for their sins against humanity is an imperative, though many may argue otherwise.
When so ... read more