Hi,
First I have to apologize for my english and my sometimes confusing way of telling what I experienced.

I had a dream about whales ( which I already had in different versions before) one night before I had a shocking experience.
In my dream I stood at the shore with a ( unknown and invincible) friend. In the ocean ( which was black), very close to the shore, were a lot of killer whales diving and and appearing again on the surface. I am happy to see them for it is such a rear and stunning event. At the same time I am afraid of them for I know they are dangerous as well. Then there are people at the shore and in the water swimming and interacting with them. I am shocked that they dare it. I find it somehow stupid and unthought full but they won't get hurt. One of the killer whales even seems to hold up his tail fin to a man to give him something like a high five. I envy the people somehow for their courage but still know that I rather be at the shore. Then a giant grey whale jumps straight out of the water. And I am very happy to be there to see that amazing thing happening. I turn to my friend and say something like "look a great grey whale!" And as the whale dives back again into the sea he hit a young man that was swimming right beside the place where the big whale jumped out and takes him down with him what shocks me crazily. But than the great whale jumps out again, the young man holding on to one of his fins and I am so impressed and somehow jealous that he is swimming with the whales.

Next night after a very hard and busy day at work in the kitchen I smoked a joint at my place. Tried to get to sleep and started to think about my thoughts and how it is actually possible to think and what that is "who I am" and I dived deep into my sub consciousness and the many voices that are me told me about me thinking about how to understand myself and than I realized that it had something to do with the great whale. I instantly knew I went to far cause by understanding my sub consciousness I would erase myself and I panicked. Tried not to think my thought to the end. The voices told me that it is to late I will never forget the path to my sub consciousness. Feeling like dying I got out of the bed having a full blown panic attack. Still in a battle with the voices. Almost passing out ( or dying) running up and down half in this world half in whatever I would go after. I threw water in my face and everything I went out on the street tried to feel nature to grab the realism of the world. Even though I knew/know that it is not real. But I wanted to stay. They told me that I should give in for it won't change I will always know that there is something like hell (which was somehow the awareness of existence) waiting for me and staying here doesn't change that. That I will always know how to get back to the that point in my subconscious just by remembering that whale. But still I wanted stay. So I called my biggest connection to this world which is my mother telling her that I am tripping really hard, that I think that I am going to erase myself by thinking a dangerous thought even though it sounds crazy and happens because of my exhaustion and the joint I smoked. But I still believed in it. Somehow she managed to calm me down a little. I went back to bed and tried to give in to that thought, afraid but ready to die but the barriers of my consciousness came back. And I was able to fall asleep without thinking that thought. But I still know how to go back to that place were I understand my being