Sorry to hear about your situation, but to be quite frank, you need to dump this guy and move on. hopefully it was not you who did the moving, but if it was then start making plans for some where else to live. if you don’t you will be living the rest of your life wondering if he is lying and finding ways of tramping him only to listen to more lies. you deserve better and you already know it. now go find someone worthy of YOU. best of luck, thinker   [End]
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When I was in college I owned this car. It wasn’t cherry and it broke down a lot, but it was a 69 Nova with lots of potential so I kept it for many years. Then one day I met this girl. She was nothing like anyone I had ever dated before and everything just kept falling into place. Except one thing. That car. I don’t remember the exact number of times it left us both stranded on our dates, or even why she kept putting up with it. What I do know is that it sucked down gas like a sponge soaks up water, needed a lot of body work, and oh yeah, a new engine. It really wasn’t what I NEEDED at th ...
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I feel your pain. Its funny to read everyone else’s post and consider where they are and how they each have their own lives and arrivals at those places in their lives. I have alluded to this in many of my previous post, but here goes... I am in the Army. I have served for just over eight years and I cannot even begin to tell you the number of times that I have found myself in similar curcumstances. Its a common issue with service members across the board. Some join knowing that its a career, others join for the initial term, and still others (like myself) enlisted for the fun of it ...
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First let me say, AWESOME POST. You have a knack for self expression that most would salivate to copy. Second, no you are not alone. From personal experience you are going through what I call the ”grey period”. Its a phase that some people experience once while others just keep going through over and over. Either way, its normal. You seem to understand a lot about yourself and what you want, but are struggling with the social identity that most wear without question. That’s okay. I still don’t wear mine, and don’t think I ever will. Society tells us that in order to be whole we must ...
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I see it every so often in this forum and I have to stop and wonder... is this person married? Masturbation is a normal thing whether done as a single person or as a married person. If I asked my significant other to help me ”relieve” myself everytime I felt the urge, it wouldn’t be long before she would be too sore to go to work. A loved ones purpose is not to help us deal with some pent up desire whenever we feel the need. Sure its great to have sex with our partner as often as they are willing and prepared for, but as one who knows what it means to have a high sex drive, it isn’t ...
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I have seen this posting on here for two days now, and no one has responded.... so I feel I have to... THERE IS NO CURE FOR THIS VIRUS. THIS VIRUS ALSO DOES NOT RESIDE IN THE LIVER. It lives else where, in or near the spine. Do more research. As for your friend who has done the cleansings and not seen an out break in a while, some people never have out breaks. Others suffer from severe out breaks all the time. It depends on the person, but does not mean that they are not still carring it and could pass it on to someone else. If this girl has the virus, and you wish to ev ...
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I’ve read the book.... YES, I am a guy. With very little exception, none of the characteristics mentioned actually apply to me or any of my buddies. One more thing... The passage you reffer to should be re-read. What the good author is attempting to enlighten you about is that when things are seemingly going well some men pull back before they move forward. The key here is when everything APPEARS to be going WELL. From the description of your circumstance, I don’t feel this applies to you. Your ex mentioned to you before breaking it off that he had issues with certain behavor. H ...
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all i can say is.. do you have a sister? I wish there were more women in this world who understood loyalty, and faithfulness, and all the other great stuff that made my great gandparents marriage last 80 years... Good for you, I wish you the best, and I am almost positive that if you talk to your husband about this, that you two will find that spark that was there so long ago... im sure he loves you, and maybe youre right about the reasons for you. If in the end it doesn’t happen though, you might want to consider something else. Otherwise you may find yourself one of those late life ...
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What would you tell your husband to do if he came to you with this dilema? Sometimes the answers we seek are the ones that come to us first, but we allow ourselves to wrestle with the issue till it becomes confused and we lose sight of why it was we were there to begin with.... You already know what to do... Have faith in yourself and your own ability... Good luck, thinker   [End]
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There are several issues at work here, but let’s start with the big one. :O) Instead of you attempting to pleasure him first, maybe you should urge him to take the imitative and help you to find Amy’s O. (good movie, btw) This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t tease him, just take it slower, and don’t go for the tool until he has learned to be more considerate in your needs. :o) His sensitivity is unfortunately very normal for most males. Some of us just start out that way, then after more experience learns not only how to control but also seem to become less sensitive. So that’s somet ...
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ROLL OVER, let her on top and let her play...   [End]
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You are obviously a caring guy with lots to provide a lucky girl. It may take a while, but you will love again. Mornings suck, huh? For me it was always 2am. I don’t know why, but I would wake up for no reason at all and just want to bawl. I wish I had some advice here, I don’t. I don’t know what worked for me. I know I woke up at that time for months, until one morning I didn’t wake up till my usual time and it was gone. I wish I could say why it left me, but I don’t know. Have you considered maybe altering your routine? I love to work out, so when I would wake up at 2am, I would t ...
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without him knowing.. take his name off everything. If it was origanally yours, you can do this. If not, then take your name off. If he lives with you, then you need to enlist the help of some friends and maybe the police. Timing is everything. You have to make this plan and enact it in one days time or risk being found out. K? Talk to a few friends. The more guys you can envolve the better. Hopefully they drive trucks. Don’t tell him that you are going to take a day off work, but schedule a day with your boss... You may even want to tell them enough so that if he calls when you are n ...
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You offer no reason for thinking that he feels any way other than the way he states. If you love him, and trust him, then why doubt his words? I’ve been in my fair share of ”LD” relationships before, and you are right. Communication is important. But there is more. Understanding and NOT-over analyzing are just two of them. If there is more to this than what you have expressed so far, then please share it. Otherwise, I think your statement at the end of your first post sums it up well enough... The answer to your problem maybe closer than you are willing to admit. Best of luck and ...
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Somethings to ponder in your free time... have you always dated men who have made you feel this way? do you see yourself ever being happy? do you know what happiness really is? what is a ”healthy relationship” to you? have you ever heard the words ”co-dependant”? I ask these things for a reason. The first, because as with all things in life, without a map, you are leaving it up to ”luck”. It doesn’t have to be. You can take charge of these things and make your life better. The latter question because men who push and pull, do so in order to form something like ”addiction”. The ...
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Age matters. It always has and always will. Maturity and mental preparedness for adult situation should always be a standard for conduct. I think you miss read me. I never said ’not to wait’. She didn’t ask that. Or at least I don’t remember seeing it. What I did address were her questions regarding experience and dealing with being the one on the lower end. I was also dissagreeing with the Dew meister regarding his comments. Hope this clears it up. :o) thinker   [End]
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From one car addict to another... This chic won’t keep her word. IT was given in a moment of distress and emotion. TRUST me on this one, anything anyone says while they are stoked up on emotion means very little. Especially if it is something they KNOW you want to hear. Have a great weekend. Don’t call her (as you plan) and if she calls you... let it ring. If she keeps calling after a week or so. Then pick it up and see what she has to say. If she asks why you haven’t called her back, just tell her the truth. ”I’ve been busy.” and leave it at that. I’m sorry youv’e had to go throug ...
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Its great that your family and friends have pulled behind you on this one. It helps so much to have a support chain that is strong. Something to think about... a burn party. When my older brother divorced his first wife, he and I and one of his buddies went with him to his apartment. We rented a couple ”guy movies”, bought a case of coke and a bottle of bacardi and set about going through the house. TOP to BOTTOM. Nothing was left untouched, but we located EVERYTHING that she had left but didn’t want, or had placed stratigically to make him think about her. By time the pizza had arrive ...
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Dew, Most of the time I agree with you... this time however I think you missed somehthing (or maybe I did). How OLD is this young lady? She never states her age. thinker   [End]
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There really is no need to feel this way. As anyone will tell you, true love knows no comparison. Lovers don’t compare those that they have known. I have dated women who have felt this way, some have been okay with the idea of my experience, others have not. Those that haven’t ended up eating themselves over the topic. They allowed it to consume their happiness and as obvious as it may seem, we are no longer together. Your boyfriend sounds like a nice enough guy. Talk to him about this. I am quite sure that he will tell you that his past means very little to him and can actually grow to ...
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Your emotions, your mood swings, they all sound normal to me. But maybe I’m the loon... teasing. A song, a phrase, something in the store... these can all trigger emotions. What you do with them is up to you. Please remember, that no matter what, you are the one in control. I’m glad to see that you are still posting. Please don’t stop till you feel ready. Who knows, you may wake up one day next week and have to stop at the gas station on your way to work, and run into the babe of your dreams... until then... keep posting thinker   [End]
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Sorry to hear about your experience. Hopefully everything went well while she was there. I once sat with a buddy (morale support) while his ex and the police went through his house. From an outsider’s perspective it was raw pain. I had known them both when they were dating and even tried to make somethings obvious to him regarding her maturity. It didn’t help. Somethings we just have to find out for ourselves. It sounds like you are in a good place right now. You aren’t lieing to yourself or attempting to make her out to be a goddess and you an ogre. That’s great. Honesty is so hard so ...
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Anything that happens in a relationship should be mutual. I hate to sound cheesy, but a few years ago a man came up with a really great word, synergy. Somepeople find it right away, some people don’t. It sounds to me like your ex was, as you have said, emotionally imature. SO the two of you didn’t have it. That aside, its time to start thinking of yourself. Why do you define who you are by your relationship status? What is it that dictates to you that happiness cannot occur without a woman at your side? Before I go much further, please understand that when I point out the things th ...
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The ”not knowing” willing drag inot depression and hold you back from a happy life. If you let it. How much of those plans where yours? and how much were hers? If you find that it was mutual, meaning you really wanted all of those things, even without her, then continue working towards them. There is no reason why you can’t still go buy a house, and do all the things that ”you wanted”. Its nice to make plans with someone and sometimes we allow ourselves to change our plans for them, but something to think about in the future is ”would I make this plan on my own?” If you can answer YES ...
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taken, For now, do what Dad suggested. Just step away and deal with your own feelings. In the mean time, keep posting. What are your plans? You mention that she was graduating and that the two of you met in college, so when did you graduate? Or have you? Are you working on your own life? What’s the big picture? A relationship can be a beautiful part of that picture, but it isn’t the end all be all... what else do you have going on? thinker P.S. For the record, yep. I have been there. Minus the restraining order, but I understand.   [End]
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First: You can’t change another humanbeing. They can, however, change themselves. If you can motivate him to change, then there is a chance, but don’t hold your breath. Motivation comes from a persons peridiagms, perceptions, beliefs, morales, etc... Second: Yes, physical affection is normal FOR MOST and yes it can be very nice in an adult relationship. If this man is what you are looking for in every way EXCEPT physical contact, then maybe you have a chance, but if there is more to him than this that doesn’t meet with your ”approval” then just cut your losses now and move on. I’m s ...
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#16078, No one other than yourself can answer that question for you. I am sorry. We can however tell you what works or worked for us when we were in our version of your situation. Please don’t think that you are alone, or that no one else has ever gone through something like what you are going through now. It hurts when a relationship ends. Not always, but the ones that mattered the most, or touched us the deepest just don’t seem to go away. Its okay. Life does go on, but only when you are ready for it to. For me, it was getting away that did it. Not from the problem, but from the re ...
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Thank you all who posted. I very much appreciate your responses. Several of you have seen my post before; please understand that I have NO mal intent for this girl. My desire was just to hear others opinions on something that has bothered me for a while. Besides if it were really at her expense, it would require she know about it... she doesn’t. This was for me and my understanding... my learning. Now for the background: I didn’t give you this before because I didn’t want it to color your opinions in anyway. I met this woman (she is 36 btw) last year. She knew I had a child and she ...
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This is an email that I received just today from a girl that I dated for a few months. The relationship ended officially over two months ago... I have grown rather accustom to reading all of your thoughts and would love to hear your first impressions of this email. Don’t worry about being helpful or all that other stuff, just first impressions, as they come.... Thanks, thinker THE EMAIL: bye, sorry I couldn’t be the one, I wish we could have at least been friends, I miss talking to you, best of luck, I know your son will be there soon and we would have had to ended even tal ...
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Hey, I am finally moved. Well, atleast I am in the town where I will be living for the next couple years. I am in the proccess of looking for a home worthy to raise a child, but there are quite a few prospect here, so it won’t be too hard. How have you been? I would love to hear what you have been up to lately. thinker   [End]
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#544 What you are feeling is completely normal man. Trust me. I have been there. My ex and I divorced just over three years ago, and were also seperated. It killed me to see or hear of her with another man for a long time following the final signing. The good news is that it does pass and there is life after divorce. It does take a while though. In the mean time, you have to find something else to do, think about, enjoy, and play, and move on... The last one may seem to be the hardest, but it is the most rewarding. Somethings to think about in the mean time are.... how much contac ...
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D :-) Thank you, I am still in transition, but so far so good. I love my job. Not many professions will pay you to pick up and move every so often, and let you take up to 30 days to do it... :o) How are things with you and yours?   [End]
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Some of us can walk through life, and be quite content with the company of one person. Others, are prone to falling into romantic relationship with many. If you truelly care for this woman that you have fathered children with, then leave the box alone.   [End]
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It would help to know this, because you are right, relationships between closely related people. in most of the western world, is frowned upon. Perspective can be very important...   [End]
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I am flattered. Although I am not sure what it is about my post that you enjoy... Thank you anyway The move is going great; everything right on schedule. I figured that I would spend my last couple of weeks sleeping on the beach and away from modern conveniences, so after Monday, it will be a while before I am back on. I saw StarSky, it was funny. I was the only one in the theatre old enough to remember the series, so I laughed a lot when others were still trying to catch up. Oh well, comes with age and “knowledge”, right? Hope you have a great weekend… -thinker   [End]
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What’s going on? share with me, maybe it will help... :O)   [End]
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S.O.S.? How are things? I will be off and on (Yeah, I know, I am always ”off”), but I must warn ya, I am in the proccess of moving back to the mainland, so it may be a while before I get a chance to respond... Sorry -thinker   [End]
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D, Thank you for your story. I see the simularities. I am not sure what her issues were to be honest. I wish I did. Or even what my issues are... but at least those I can sort out. Oh well.... what’s say we have some chocolate, throw in a movie and just cuddle with our kids? Sounds like a great saturday night to me, what do you think? -Thinker   [End]
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Is anyone else tired of the same o’l stuff? For those of you who are regulars, you know me fairly well. I’m a pretty no nonsense sort of guy. I say what I mean, and yes sometimes I should say it a little nicer. I don’t play games, and think that they really have no place in my life. If I offend someone I always make an honest attempt to explain myself and my intentions, so as to aleve some of the infraction. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. A year ago I decided to stop dating... as most of you know, I am a single father, and don’t like to date infront of my child. I believe ...
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No matter what happens, don’t close yourself off. If you have something to gripe about, then gripe, rant, rave, do whatever you need to do to get this off your chest. In the mean time, try to seek some form of counseling. You may not realize it, but neglect is a form of abuse too. And as I see it, you are being neglected. In a whole lot of ways. I’m sorry I don’t have any other advice, but there are several of us here who are more than willing to listen. -Thinker   [End]
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I live in Hawaii too... if they aren’t addicted to ice, spending all their money to lift their trucks to absurd heights that have no practical use for the island, then they are too busy beating up their o’l ladies. I have lived in a lot of places, and although Hawaii is beautiful, the people are just as much rednecks as any other back water STATE. The education system alone in Hawaii will take YEARS to sort out. If it can be. The politicians are such crooks that money never gets to where it needs to be. But then it doesn’t matter anyway, because the people don’t care about education. ...
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I am sorry to hear about your situation. I have been there. Actually, I have been on both sides, her’s and your’s and well his too... People exist in their own time... the way we develop, the way we learn, the way we understand. It can be a wonderful thing when two people meet who just happen to be in the same place and time in their lives. It can also be a very hard thing to deal with when two people meet who are not in the same place and time. Your ex was not in the same place that you were when you both started dating. She still had feelings that she needed to deal with and emotio ...
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Sorry to interrupt your posting, but I had to say something... NOT ALL MEN think about sex all the time. Most of my friends are very pretty women, but I don’t think about bedding them. YES, I enjoy their company, but not for sexual reasons. If that were true, all of my friends would be pretty women, instead of most, and I would be buff from all the exercise. or atleast my right arm would be... LoL... no, eye contact means he is thinking about something, but it doesn’t mean SEX. Maybe you should talk to him. Ask him to lunch and just have casual conversation. I don’t think you need ...
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funny.. i sware someone posted this exact same thing about this time last year.. how odd... I bet it is in the archives, whatcha think?   [End]
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I understand that you want to break up... and from what little is written in your post, I can sort of see why. Has it occured to you however that it isn’t her that you are trying to leave? In your first post you mention how you are an introvert and that so is she. From the way you mention it, and the way you bring up the idea of breaking up with her, I get the feeling that you don’t like the things that you have in common. What about the things that you DON’T have in common? Sure you can see what she needs to change about her, but do you see it in yourself too? What I am trying to ge ...
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