You seem like its possible that you might have Stockholm Syndrome, I recommend studying it. It might be that your inability to cope with the horror you endured as a child, the sick, twisted, corrupted situation that you had no support for and couldn’t get away from, that really children can’t handle, set your mind into a defense state called ”stockholm syndrome” where you have unusually high feelings of sympathy and pity for your abusers that mask your true feelings. Its normal, I’ve seen it a lot, but please understand this might be effecting you, and inhibiting your recovery.
Its sor ...
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