Ooh, good question! Just yesterday I mentioned to my galfriend ”You know, like when you google somebody from your past to find out where they are?” and she said ”I have never done that.” And it surprised me. She is very happily married, and that is enough for her. Me, I have been looking for some people for over 30 years. I want to know how they are, and can I help them? After all, once I love somebody (elementary school teacher, childhood neighbor, friend, whoever) it’s forever, and in this life we crossed paths and added to one another’s growth, and maybe in this world we will c ...
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Hello Sister on the Path, I read your earlier post and this one and wondered, What does he give you? You were mentioning having a lot of feelings, and they sound like good normal healthy feelings for a woman to have, so that seems fine. You mentioned a level of connection that you fear you may never feel for anyone else again. So good, I’m open to hearing about that: What is he contributing to the sense of connection that you feel? And it’s totally likely that I’m missing something big that he has done for you. Maybe he encouraged you to go back to school and helped with your appl ...
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Hi! The Boutenkos at http://www.rawfamily.com have a $15 book on this. ”This step-by-step Recipe Book shows with almost 100 photographs and detailed descriptions how to make just one recipe, however, we consider it to be the most important one: Live Flat Bread. Depending how long you dehydrate this item, it can be as crunchy as a cracker or soft like bread. You will need a dehydrator to make this recipe.” I don’t work for them or anything, :) I was just trying to help! A   [End]
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I read on curezone that one can juice some Granny Smith apples and add fresh-grated raw ginger juice in carbonated water. Apparently it makes a nice ginger ale. I would hesitate about juicing ginger; some juicers couldn’t handle it.   [End]
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In general, if it’s ok to jump in late... I’d say about showing up at his door when he doesn’t know you’re on the way? That would probably surprise him, and many people feel taken aback when they are surprised, and that might not help him experience a fresh wave of warm feelings. In other words, i would not want to think of you standing on his doorstep feeling embarrassed and he doesn’t know what to say. Surprises are great if you’re, like, buying your best co-worker gal friend a gift certificate for the new raw juice bar. I’d go for carrot if you were wondering. Blessings, C   [End]
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Hoping this does not sound too simple, but aren’t there fantabulous support groups for breast cancer survivors??? I didn’t hear you mention any close girlfriends, but maybe the support connection can introduce you to some power women. It might be hard for you to become small enough to completely satisfy this man’s needs for nurturing and security. And yes your nursing home idea is GREAT. Let us know how you are doing, A   [End]
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Now what’s not to like about that? What kind of woman is turned off by these qualities? (I’m trying to picture an example of such a woman. Uh...) Now at worst, women who like companionship just might be VERY attracted to the notion of commitment first, and then the sex. Some of them can’t even picture having sex in any other kind of context. Some of them can if they first detach their emotions from it; so the sex might be happening but without much obvious emotion. I am no relationship expert. It’s just a thought. But those personality qualities you mentioned sound fine to me. Take ca ...
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Hi there! First of all I’m sorry to hear this, about your heart condition and also that the world feels so cold! A woman that I loved very much was sick for a long time, and she turned her 4-poster bed into a loom. Even flat on her back she could weave gifts and talk to people, and soon her sickroom was like a pilgrimage shrine, everyone wanted to visit and watch her weave and talk about stuff. I don’t know how she managed it, but her spirit was really strong and unusual. Another woman I know was paralyzed from the neck down, she got a special phone and the local battered women’s she ...
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Hiya Melanie, I just joined the party and read the first line of your first post and my antlers went right up. You were asking for advice on how you could be better at learning to trust your boyfriend. My first thought was wishing we could teach the boyfriend to learn to be trustworthy. Anyway, it’s all settled and it was good to see Mollie writing all that. I’m real sorry you went through that spin cycle, and it was a relief to hear that you didn’t have to dump him; all that had to happen was for him to sense that the free pie was running out. Write some more if you want to let us ...
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Why thank you! I will absolutely keep that in mind. What a treasure of a forum! a   [End]
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Hello, well it’s a thoughtful question all right! I spent years, years, studying and working in a health community that believed the planet would be healed if we just converted everyone to our way. But nowadays I just try to be as healthy as possible and sooner or later people might say ”You look good, how do you do it?” or ”How come you didn’t put aspartame in your coffee?” The best advice is a good example. But the funny thing is I’m generally too busy noticing other people who know MORE than I do, and trying to figure out how they did it and how I can improve my life by listening ...
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Dear MH, Before, I thought your idea of putting cayenne on a cut sounded a little strange. (Wouldn’t it sting? A lot?) Then while packing files on a very busy day I got a cut by grabbing for scissors too fast, and got a 1/2 inch cut, bleeding quite a lot despite paper towels and band-aids. I remembered your idea and verrrry tentatively tried cayenne. It didn’t sting at all, so I packed it on. It stopped all discomfort and stopped the bleeding instantly. Thank you once again for your advice! Autumn   [End]
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Well that is really food for thought! I really like the conclusion that no one has a monopoly on knowledge. To me, one of the most spiritual phrases a person can use is ”I may be wrong.” Some teachers like Jethro Kloss and Jack LaLanne seem to have done well. But this is really a good topic, and I sometimes ask myself... well, what about teachers who died after not particularly long lives? Maybe without their health studies these teachers would be much worse off? (Harvey Diamond in a later book said that he is experiencing side effects from Agent Orange from the war, and that he ...
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Thank you for that interesting link! One of the parrot training books (probably something by Sally Blanchard) talked about a maniacal macaw whose only interest was attacking and damaging humans. Then the truth came out: the parrot’s former owner entertained friends by feeding the parrot cola, coffee, chocolate, and alcohol, all of which are generally fatal to birds. The new owner gave the bird medicinal herbs in tea, and organic fresh raw fruit and nuts. The bird became very sweet and affectionate. It’s an amazing world. A   [End]
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Hi Folks, Lately I’m seeing people writing about hurt feelings regarding trust, and evidently their pain is deep and sincere. You know, I have this idea that Trust is an operational definition. We trust each person to do or to NOT do specific things under specific conditions. When we say ”I trust you 100%,” what does that mean? Maybe it’s a good idea to figure that out and TELL the other person what that does or does not mean. One time a guy told me ”I trust you 100%,” but all it meant was, he trusted me enough that he could turn his back when I was in the room. Well in my opinion ...
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Yay MH! I am all for meeting the pup’s humans and if possible the mom, see how she is with them. Many breeds come into fashion, say when a breed is featured in a film, and then the ”purebreds” are overbred and more and more recessive genes are drilled back in generation after generation. That purity can look pretty in a show but can also come with unfortunate weaknesses. More power to DOG and you, Autumn   [End]
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Hi again folks, Well, I heard back from a really wise friend who worked with the book and then worked with the authors and said that in fact there were a few logic glitches with it; like, that doesn’t take into account the fact that the other person just might have a real emotional imbalance and the techniques might not work at all! So... I guess with any book we need to be careful and take it with a grain of salt. Ok, bye... A   [End]
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Well, on the trash giveaway shelf in my building I found this book: Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment--A Way to Be Fully Together Without Giving Up Yourself by Gay Hendricks and Kathlyn Hendricks Most relationship books are goofy, though as an entertaining hobby I enjoy reading even the bad ones. But as I carry this one around and read it on the bus it’s surprising -- this one seems different. This post is not supposed to look like a business or personal endorsement, honest; I don’t know the authors as people, haven’t attended their events, don’t work for their institu ...
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Hi! Cure Zone has a forum about this very issue. Some time ago someone posted an article talking about the advantages of doing without circumcision. It was a VERY convincing article and should give you lots of reasons to feel better yourself no matter how your boyfriend responds. If you’re uncircumcised, you can fit in happily in most countries. This might sound unusual, but my own friendships with gay men indicate that they get more upset about other preferences, such as presence or absence of chest hair and body bulk. And the preferences are totally random! Whether you are skinny or a ...
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Hello, thank you for showing us your letter of welcome and acceptance! Maybe you’re already sent it by now. Anyway, I have not read anybody else’s answers yet so maybe this is repeating everything, but... Since he is going through 2 massive changes at once, maybe you could just choose a small point of focus for your letter first. I am guessing that the point is, ”1. I wish you well in all of your changes, and 2. You are welcome to contact me for support and companionship.” That’s all you need. My take would be, that for this first letter you can let go of adding details about o ...
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Hi Amee, In case it is any comfort... even if we knew, for sure, 100%, that it is caused by a Cold Virus and you could photograph it and post the image here with the caption ”Me and My Virus,” the treatment would be the same anyway. And it sounds as if you are already very much on top of things. I do hope you are getting enough sleep. Also digestive rest where your tummy doesn’t have to do any work. Also being really patient with yourself; sounds like intense cleaning going on, and that takes a few days. To your good health, A   [End]
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Hi Rosemary, You mean there’s 3 of us? (Another woman at CZ has a sister named Autumn.) However, Autumn isn’t my name, so nope. It’s cool to hear that though. Asheville is a lovely town. Next time I go through I should look up the store! Take care, A   [End]
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Hi Marion, Sure, you can eat brown bread on macrobiotics depending on the result you want. Macrobiotics is simply about eating for your life dream. There are days when brown bread is a great option (ie, you’re at a party and the only other option is cheesecake). The real art of MB is taking your situation, thinking about your direction with clarity, and then steering through the best choice that you have from moment to moment. There’s no one diet; it’s just that over generations, we’ve discovered that most people tend toward the same goals (to be limber, or alert in the morning, or sle ...
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Hi Lee, Around here we can buy dried maple sugar in bulk. I imagine it would be much cheaper to transport sugar crystals than syrup, and the manufacturer would not need as much in preservatives or packing. So, just wondering: if you found the crystals, there might be options to getting a good quality at a reasonable price. Assuming that the crystals still had nutritional value. Take care, A   [End]
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Hi, Well, there is raw DRIED corn, and that stuff is like beach pebbles. But fresh off the cob the day it is picked, from say the farmer’s market, that is a real treat. The sugar starts turning to starch as soon as it is picked, so the sweetness will start to disappear. But if you can get it really fresh, it is very tender and milky and good. A   [End]
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I’ve read that the seeds have a toxin in them, I forget which. You might discard those. Helen and Scott Nearing had a 10-day raw apple fast every fall, and apples were a mainstay all winter. Of course those were wild apples 50 years ago, picked from their own tree. Still, it did them a power of good evidently! A   [End]
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Hi, Dogs, well, I don’t know. For human consumption, I did a search last fall for ”acorns, edible” or some such. For humans the tannic acid is way toxic. Theoretically if you take white oak acorns (lower in tannin) and soak them and grind them and pound them and rinse and rinse some more and and... then IF you could get all the bitter tannin out, they are edible, but I’d imagine you would also rinse out all the vitamins. According to even Wildman Steve Brill (he has a good website) the red oak acorns are much too toxic to bother with. Most of the acorns and oaks are red. White oak acor ...
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Yes, people really were fond of Don Knotts, and they were certainly fond of Mayberry. It was so cool how Sheriff Taylor used power. The world could learn a little lesson from that show. Like their system of Correctional Justice (”Otis, would you leave the key on the table after you let yourself out of jail please? Be sure to come back after the wedding reception.”). Or the big brouhaha because one neighbor was putting up a fence to keep in his chickens and another neighbor objected because it would block the sun from his rutabaga patch or whatever, and Sheriff said Well boys, how bo ...
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Hi, Well, that must have been a shock! Dropping by at midnight and now what. That’s really a shame that he couldn’t ask for more time and attention from you instead first. Ok, I’m reading your story a few times and how you love this man and are thinking of having children with him. Also trying to picture the boundaries, since he’s your boyfriend and also he’s your ex now and he has an ex who is possibly no longer his ex and how you and your own ex talk every day. Well... I would say that in relationships it’s not good to hit people; for one thing people can hit back. And in my opi ...
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Hi Richard, Thank you for this wisdom! The honesty and fellowship in the program really are remarkable. And they even reinforce each other. Once I can glimpse my true nature with clarity, it’s natural to reach out person to person, instead of trying to look good enough to other people or hide from them. Then in fellowship with supportive people in recovery, it’s easier to see myself in a clear calm way. (Years ago, members of an AA/Al-Anon meeting lovingly intervened when I announced to them that I was determined to take Step 4, my ”searching and frantic moral inventory.”) For me, th ...
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Hullo, Hoping it is ok to stop by. I have never had a drink but have attended many years of Al-Anon and also open AA meetings. For a few years I lived in Kansas. Over the tracks outside town there was a little A.A. clubhouse. It was loud and chaotic and had a tin roof and ratty carpet and a lot of pickup trucks outside. It was packed with people, coffee, arguments, prayer, Big Books, ash trays, and blue smoke. It was open for continual meetings nearly 24/7. And you know, it was a place of miracles where people were saved by other people every single day. There were genuine rough-talk ...
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What a gold mine! I’ve read ”Wildman” Steve Brill, the wild foods expert, and just wanted to let folks know that he cooks some of his food and says that wild mushrooms must all be cooked. He explains it better than I do in his books. This is not to detract in any way from his message or your wonderful post! Mr. Brill does an outstanding job and really gives to the community. Now I want to check out these great looking web sites. Thank you so much for posting them here! A   [End]
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I have the impression that raw soymilk would in fact be not such a great deal, since there is an enzyme which inhibits digestion, and thus to de-activate this enzyme it has to be boiled. I’m not sure of the facts, it was something I read in ”Laurel’s Kitchen” an age ago. To your health! A   [End]
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Hi there finally faith, Thank you, it was nice to read your thoughtful message. Some retired Hollywood exec? I think? wrote a very thoughtful essay. He said that throughout history, in an average village, a guy would meet in a lifetime maybe 500 people. He would see the same few women day after day, with a choice of maybe 20 girls to marry. (And he would see their behaviors and temperament, by growing up with them and their families.) But this writer pointed out that today, we have visual images of top-drawer beauty and model-shape figures beamed at us hundreds of times throughout the ...
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Well are you nice, or what? Could be tough buying for girlfriends. Many want something romantic. Me, I’d be moved to tears if a guy bought me a brush thingy to de-ice the windshield, but that is not a typical chick behavior. You could try this. Sit in her apartment when she’s not at home and commune with her living space. Is there some little thing that needs fixing or replacing? (Obviously you gotta be careful before, like, ripping up the floorboards. And some people hate surprises.) Some little hobby (like cut flowers in a bud vase)? Some theme in her taste in books and music that ...
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Hi, Sounds like a tricky one all right. Is it possible to let us know any specifics of her criticism (both to you and to other people in your absence)? Does she have a clearly delineated principle or two? For example, I know a very nice otherwise normal Christian guy who believes that everyone of his ethnic heritage, every last soul including his own kids, bear the karmic burden of the martyrdom of a political figure (a not very nice one, by the way) who was assassinated in his country. He truly believes that every person with (as he calls it) ”even one drop of blood” of that nation ...
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Hi there, Well, seems like your level of trust actually isn’t too far off base. Maybe he is just young and easily influenced by his buddies and still kind of excited by the many options out there. No need to wait for proof that he is seeing someone else, or that he’s a bad guy, or that all men are unfaithful. You can decide for yourself what you want and what will make you happy. Intimate relationships, if you would like one that is monogamous, take a lot of attention and care and tending and focus. It’s hard to have one while also spending that much time window shopping. What are the ...
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Yup, a big part of it is morale. In her book ”Sink Reflections” she tells how she checked herself into a hospital with depression (after a very distressing marriage), and there she adapted the idea of always getting up early and being clean and dressed first thing. That was her first step, rebuilding her whole life as a dejected housewife with weight and health problems. And yes, she’s urging mainstream American housewives to start walking 15 min. a day and drink water and use more vegetables... bit by bit. I’ve gotta hand the lady a lot of credit for how she turned her life around. A   [End]
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Hi there folks! She’s at http://www.flylady.net Her mission is helping people establish order in their lives so that then most chores will become a harmonious routine, and then we can have 1. more peace of mind, and 2. more serenity and enjoyment in our relationships. I’m a huge fan. Huge! But I have never tried subscribing to the actual email list. (If you do, you will get 30 emails a day, many of them only a subject line. You can actually just read the web site every day and get all the benefits without subscribing, if the thought of 30 emails seems a big much!) At first, th ...
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That’s funny, I thought that was the Latin word for ”water.” Votes? And yes, that peroxide with additives sounds like puzzling stuff.   [End]
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Hi, good question. Dulse and almonds is a FAVE snack of mine. Wondering about one thing. The only fresh almonds that I can obtain are from Trader Joe. With other stores, even the BIG places like Whole Foods, the almonds don’t taste as fresh. Could that possibly be going on? Hoping you feel better by now! A   [End]
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Dear finallyfaith, This is nice, hearing a man’s view of it all. I appreciate your insights about why looking is natural! There is a clear difference in my head, between 2 activities: swiveling one’s head to watch a lass walk by, versus (just for a general example) logging on to an internet porn site to the degree that computer viewing jeopardizes a relationship, health, or job. When I’m walking down the street with a guy, it seems fine when he swivels around saying Wow, look there! (This applies equally to my gay guy friends. We have fun watching the fellows go by.) It can actual ...
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Hi, I chop raw garlic in a glass jar and then fill the jar with olive oil and keep it in the fridge. You can add lemons or sun-dried tomatoes or whatever, and then put that on salad. After you refill the oil a few times the garlic gets really mild and you can eat that on the salad too. I mix a couple spoons of oil with a spoonful of live sauerkraut (comes refrigerated in a glass jar) and some lecithin. That’s my daily dressing, and I never seem to get tired of it. That can go with grated raw carrots or rutabaga, or fine-grated cabbage, or steamed greens, whatever. Bon appetit!   [End]
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Only one teensy objection (and I still won’t give them up) Mine have holes. In water and mud, the grains of dirt can really cause friction in my toes and rub them raw. Also the black crocs turn my toe tips black and my heels have calluses like concrete. So, foot soaking at night and oil rubs are necessary to keep the skin from cracking. Otherwise, they are great. Going without socks is good for me. I do it even on days when the temp is at freezing point, and it cured the night-time cold-feet problem.   [End]
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Hi there inquiring guy, Nice interesting message, and you raise questions that people smarter than me have been figuring out for eons. Confidence: Never, please, try to compete in a room where people are drinking. Do me a favor, and just ease your way out the door if the confidence is fueled by alcohol. Please do not try to persuade, convince, or impress people who are drinking and/or passed out in your girlfriend’s bed. Decide for what higher purpose you wish to be confident, because that and only that is the purpose and mechanism of confidence. If it is to prove to a woman th ...
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Hi Lee, Hoping this isn’t a flash of the blindingly obvious, and you’ve thought of it already no doubt, but... Epsom salts shortcuts water absorption by the colon, so here’s hoping you have a chance to sip on enough fluids to keep yourself comfy. Andreas Moritz a few days ago posted a nice very simple recipe for homemade electrolyte drink to substitute for ”Gatorade”; responding to a parent whose son does sports I believe. Best wishes with it all! A   [End]
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Hey, I forgot!!! Somebody did give me a plant once! A guy who came from Siberia in 1980 found a big thorny cactus in somebody’s garbage, and we were getting the worst blizzard in history that night and he didn’t want it to die, so he put his coat over it and then walked 2 miles to pound on my door at midnight with this thing because he noticed me at school and decided I was a nice person. He said ”Here. This is Leonid. He wants to live with you.” I fixed some cocoa for him and potting soil for the plant. He and I cleaned the snow off the cactus and it did just fine, and then the guy a ...
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Hi pj darlin,’ One little thing that is really powerful right now is, every day contacting someone with a really interesting dream or right-livelihood or hobby, and asking for some advice. I was in this despair crash on Valentine’s night and finally went to the library (my equivalent of going to a bar). I randomly walked into a lecture hall where this really friendly warm OPEN couple was giving a talk about helping future first-time homebuyers. I actually sat down, since some day it would be nice to buy a house, and let them hand me literature and advice. So it might sound dorky, but it ...
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Goodness land, this is just beautiful! What a surprise to log in and see this to start the day. Now I want to go back and read all your other messages so I have a frame to put around it. If I do it after work time (which started 30 sec. ago) my concentration will be even better. It must be grand to be a person who can write a poem like that. Or poetry at all. Blessings and a grand smiling day to YOU, A   [End]
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Hi pj, The best V-day I ever had was making a valentine and sending it to an address posted by Ann Landers. She used to collect valentines every year for combat veterans who were so injured in war that they were gonna spend the rest of their lives in VA hospitals and could never leave. That was so nice. One year I went to a special V-day meeting of my O.A. group. One woman told about tuning in on the radio and being devastated by the number of people who called in romantic songs dedicated to their sweeties. Then she heard a woman call in a dedication ”To my dear O.A. group.” One y ...
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Hello Neighbor, You definitely deserve a break, whatever happens with the marriage! I hope that you have space and time to care for yourself, and to reach out for good companions who will offer you solidarity and fellowship. And for the rest... All too often, intervention by a spouse is not enough to overcome someone’s urge to drink. Sounds as if he is choosing his own mile to walk in his own moccasins, and it seems likely that nothing you can do will change that for now. So, that lets you off the hook to catch up on being safe and sound and building up your health and serenity. ...
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Hello Faith, You too, huh? It’s funny, a few weeks ago I started this money work, and it is so powerful. Just very gently sitting and unraveling the long long web of insecurities and puzzlement. Every day it’s a new action step, no matter how tiny, even if it’s walking into my bank and asking a question about a statement. Haven’t tried the number 8 yet! But I did glance through a feng shui book about our household arrangements and our finances, and that was very interesting and did give me things to think about. It would be SO easy to be discouraged and embarrassed and to give up ...
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Hi pj! Why, you are absolutely right: my ”Dream on!” was an exasperated exclamation, imagining the point of view of the target city itself, a place which is gorgeous and also does NOT encourage people to move there. But Dream On is a nice mantra, good idea. Thank you for your sharing too, I sure hope that your week was a little calmer after all that, sounds real strenuous. My guess is that many people have money issues. Even people with money. It’s been so interesting for me to spend time every day, sitting down with my files and papers and learning new things! Blessings, A   [End]
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Hello Blueduck! Oh so true, money doesn’t buy happiness! Isn’t that a fact. I’d just like to be a good steward of time, talent, and resources. Thank you for that question, clarifying the goal helps me to think. So here it is: My dream is having a family (doesn’t have to be genetic) and living on a farm. To do that, I want to have some savings to bring along. Why? Because having a little nest egg and some business ideas can be very useful when one contemplates rural living. Also to leave something good for charity some day. The gift of laughter is a blessing all right. It’s great ...
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Brina, what a beautiful quote! And thank you for those very kind words too... One winter when things looked grim and sad I was worrying and fretting at 5 a.m. Suddenly I was aware of some movement in my black-dark freezing room. It was my Oxalis (”false shamrock”) plant! Each lovely three-part leaf was popping open and stretching one at a time. A domestic PLANT in a pot in a cold dark room could sense the dawn better than I could! That was such a gentle consolation that I could have a dawn on the way too. Blessings, A   [End]
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Hello Dear MH, Today I had a full Sunday of work planned at the office to prepare for this week. But I woke up from a dream about a wild partridge calling for me to follow. So, ok, I went to a research park that is open Sundays for people to stroll. The ground had thawed and softened, so I tried kicking off my Crocs for an hour and walking across the park. I’ve never tried a stunt like that before. It took a whole hour to cross one mile. Sometimes it really hurt, little bark chips and acorn caps and rocks. People saw me and looked away very quickly; this is a polite city where people i ...
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Hello there dear Curefolk, This is a long story about getting a little better. A couple months ago I posted that huge despair-athon, and you-uns sent back such kind thoughts, and one of you (Alikat? I ought to dig up the right quote, but it’s ages ago) said something like ”Maybe you will move to a new place that you like better, OR maybe you will look at your present city with a fresh outlook.” I was surprised and touched by that quote and it stayed with me. Fresh outlook? That sounded neat. So one dreary night while searching the net AGAIN for any job prospects in my target city ...
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Hi Mysti, Wow. There is some wisdom here for me. That is a huge question with me: what if a person has all sorts of mixed characteristics (actually, I guess we all do). Today I can enjoy the full gamut of that person’s uniqueness. But what about next year, after tripping over the same piece of uniqueness every day, or if that trait keeps getting more intense? There are so many examples of this in my life. So many. And it works the other way! I am sure that many people are silently annoyed by me, why not? Wacky example. One person complimented me once about the color of my hair. H ...
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My friends run a small family farm, everything super-organic and natural. They explained to me that a family farmer can’t afford the certification fee, so that is why he and his colleagues are not certified; that is only for the bigger growers. It’s a complicated world. I wish heather juice would do as well, huh? :( Good luck with your flush there! A   [End]
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Why thank you, it was very nice to see your message. I figure by now that hearts can break and still keep growing, which is why we call them hearts and not stones. A chambered nautilus is a little ocean-living shell thingy that breaks through one compartment and keeps forming new bigger chambers; they’re quite pretty in fact. Maybe hearts are like that :) Blessings, A   [End]
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Oh, interesting question... People I know with diagnosed OCD, they are not necessarily aware of or expressing anxiety at all. But if they close a door and hear it click, they would then want to make sure of doing a really good job with that door, and click it 4 or 5 more times and they explain to me that it’s just... being conscientious about the door. But how about having an anxious response and then reacting to it over and over? Is that the thing? Because I have that! What you’re talking about could have a number of causes. There are all kinds of stressful social conditions caus ...
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I don’t make that much in a whole MONTH. Sure is amazing how shell games are expanding with bigger & roomier shells! :) A   [End]
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Well goodness, what a hayride. Looking at your post what flagged the attention was the words that you had failed, messed up, and sabotaged yourself. I thought ”Zounds! Where are those words coming from? Could the anger be about the judging voice too? Could the anger or that judging voice be what blocked the flush?” Just a notion. All this is meant to say is Sure, anger lives in the liver, maybe that caused it, maybe not. First thing I am wondering is how you feel now, and what does it mean to fail a liver flush? What are the standards for success and triumph? By the way, my last few ...
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Gee, thank you for those words from Andreas. What a dear man. What a good thing I passed by and saw that! I’m faced with a money choice now: BIG opportunities in a stressful location, or NO opportunities in my dream fantasy part of the world. Hm... Anyway, to our friend with the broken heart... Living things need air and room to grow. Sometimes even a little patch of dirt is so churned up and overplanted and has so many chemicals dumped on it, that it is just worn out. This is why in ancient times, there were even local laws (you can see them in the Bible) honoring the dirt th ...
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Thank you both! True, there is little point in rummaging for the exact name. I soak them in epsom salts & baking soda, and will try the cayenne too, good idea. The raw food insight was really interesting. Yesterday I fixed a big head of raw kale for lunch (and cayenne in orange juice) and that really hit the spot. I appreciate your feedback, friends! A   [End]
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Dear MH, Here’s a puzzlement for you. For several years there’s been chilled puffy swelling in my finger joints. (Especially between 1st & 2nd knuckles. Can you cross your fingers for good luck? I sure can’t.) It’s not IN the joints themselves, because at times when there is less swelling the joints work just fine. So technically that wouldn’t be called arthritis, but what do I know. I can’t close my fingers fully, and just turning a key in a door or extracting papers from a file folder is quite uncomfortable. It varies daily. It’s worst in the mornings; then I can’t even pull a hai ...
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Not a competition? What? Just kiddin.’ I was thinking about this forum today and its purpose, and maybe it’s a way to heal our hearts and our perceptions so we can realize and express our inherent wonderfulness in relationships! A   [End]
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Ooh she has another book?? Must go find and read. Yum. Gunshots, oh my GOSH. I have never heard a gunshot. Or else I’m real naive and ought to learn how they sound. That sounds so intense and hard. It also sounds temporary, like you are not going to live there forever. I don’t have friends in town and haven’t in over 10 years. What is interesting is that old old friends in other parts of the country seem to be moving in very compatible paths, so we can have excellent conversations and we exchange little gifts and that is very nice. Maybe I can visit them all one day. Anger is a de ...
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Oh my golly, sounds painful all right. My heart goes out to you sitting in that parking lot especially if your weather is as cold as ours. I sure wish you a better time than being on the outside, watching other people go to lunch and socialize. Yikes! I can’t know what the young lady’s plans are. No matter what is going on at this workplace, and chances are good that it’s nothing much, I am trying to think what kind of proof would look like good news, enough to really bring you happiness. This might sound irrelevant or pointless or even insensitive, but... Give us a hint here: ...
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Hi again, I saw that in an earlier post you were seeking balance in your thoughts about a young lady, and that you tried meditation, but your mind just went right back to the problem. Just wanted to say Congratulations! That means meditation is useful for you. That’s like me taking the stairs instead of the elevator: I get all huffy and out of breath. Great! That means that running up stairs is working for me and is useful. So meditation is a long long long term thing, and the changes are so gentle that you can’t tell they are working until very gradually little things begin to f ...
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I’d rather you were SLEEPING but this really has so many good ideas, from mechanics to Biblical metaphor. Learning how to squeak! I really like the word plays too, ”short” in shortening and in its other meanings. And the image of people in a relationship as parts of a flowing mechanism, where if the flow breaks down then ain’t nobody going nowhere. You’re on to something here poetry-wise. I look forward to exploring with you the things that really put the Shea Butter back into your life. That oil is such a rich metaphor... Blessings, A (Oh, was that you who suggested the name ...
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Gee, did I open a can of worms here or what? Just as well. Worms are happier outside the can. Anyway, There are so many levels of forgiveness! I guess one simple form is actual ignoring, which I think is healthy if nearby drivers are, say, throwing empty beer cans out their windows with rude gestures and yelling yeeha and cutting me off in traffic because their sports team won (or lost); then it’s essential and mature to focus on driving and stay out of their way and take the first turnoff. Sometimes it’s very cool when I have a grudge and then poof, discover that actually a per ...
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Hi there. Welcome to you, it’s good to see your message. Sounds like a lot of relationships in a very short amount of time since you are so young. Pretty stressful! Even figuring out one relationship can take many years for a couple. I feel a little silly though trying to answer because it might be necessary to have more information. Is there any one relationship in particular that you would like to talk about? It was a little puzzle for me to understand what the pattern is, since the descriptions of yourself actually seemed to be traits that were all different pieces gathered in one ...
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Hi there Faith, Actually I’ve seen some feminine behaviors that are vendetta all the way. And plenty of guys who are insulted and say ”Huh. It takes all kinds.” and get on with their day. And thank you so much for adding the point that I wish I’d said myself: Real forgiveness hits the road exactly at the point where I have no ability to comprehend how or why a person could do what they did. That’s why I needed to formulate my ground-water theory, picturing it as something that sooner or later (for really serious matters) I must turn over to the power that wheels the stars. Corrie ...
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Hey girl, Well I thought about the Myss quote and your poem for 2 days and now I get them both, and they are good, thank you! And by the way, I do believe that it’s right and important to draw the line at harmful behaviors coming at us or at others. In fact we hire public officials who do exactly that. But it’s easier to do that when I can do it from a centered emotional space. So forgiveness can abide with and even support good boundaries. Your poetry has such lightness and innocence... Blessings, A   [End]
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Well thank you! I’ve been musing on your discussion and examples for the last couple of days. It’s all fitting in with this rehab and overhaul of my thinking patterns, and gently sorting through the ideas deciding which ones I can kiss goodbye. The gender side comparison was interesting too. I thought of your ideas yesterday when a whole family behaved in a rude turfy way to displace my space and time. It was bothering me until I figured out that their child was ill and they’d traveled a long way to get help here in town. I overheard them asking for directions to the hospital. I cut in ...
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Hi AJ! Oh dear, that does sound hard. Golly. I sure hope that your today is better. Sounds like you deserve a break. In my own opinion, You can be a totally whole healthy happy person who is happy all alone AND STILL FEEL A LOT OF ANGUISH ABOUT LOSING YOUR MATE. We’re born to be physical and warm and to feel communion and rapport, and this is your birthright. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re lacking anything. My two team mates here, pj and Mr. Number Guy, have good enlightened ideas. I’ll just kick in my 2 cents’ worth that there’s not a thing wrong with being a loving resp ...
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If she is a toddler, maybe she dislikes the slippery feeling and wants to feel steady on her feet. It could be hard to monitor floors and make super sure there are no ouchy objects to step on. But MH would have some interesting stories about his sockless young uns; might be something to think about. Congratulations on your little walker there!, A   [End]
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Hi Folks in CZ Land, Last night I was pondering various people in my life, little remarks they make and little slip-ups in their thoughtfulness and all, and realized that so many daily interactions leave me hurt and worn down. Also realized that a lot of this feeling is from big big past interactions, resulting in a kind of emotional heat-rash that leaves me all uncomfortable and chafed today, thus more easily hurt and worn down, on and on. It shook me up, seeing that to me, interactions = getting hurt and worn down and tired, even when nice people have helpful intentions. Suddenly I sa ...
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Hey kiddo, I’ve read your post, following along as much as I can though not as well as one might hope (”he has agreed not to restrain his yelling”? Uh oh!) trying to picture when these meetings are happening, meeting 1 or 2, or 3, or whose counselor is whose or if that is an additional mediator or what. So you get to laugh at me. It’s a relief to confess that with best intentions I started out with this basketful of helpful self-care suggestions, and now feel so silly for having flung them around that way. Now I wish I’d spent the first 2 months just listening and letting you talk! Th ...
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Hiya. Well, that does sound hard all right! Here’s a connected example. You know what happened to me today? Well, I’ll tell you. Humor me a minute. I am supposed to be skating around on my computer, accomplishing all sorts of advanced skilled tasks. But nooo, today for some reason the computer system doesn’t recognize me. There’s some wacky glitch meaning that I can’t log on and tap in to my own computer. They are fixing that now. Does it mean that I stopped being a secretary? No, not at all. I still have this computer at my fingertips, and any sec I will be able to tap in to all ...
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Easy. I didn’t actually sign up as a member. You don’t have to either! If you want, click on the Welcome Letter. It explains everything. The web site looks complicated, but it’s the same principles over and over. You are MUCH too intelligent for it. That is why it seems so batty. This program is a godsend for my own depression and overwhelm! And it’s free! Every time I take a new little baby step, my life gets better and so do I. And hiya Mysti! Ooh, you too huh? Cool. The Deseret News section is at the bottom of the home page, an archive of articles sent to them by Fly La ...
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Hi pj! Well, you always have us, so next time you want to send someone an email, remember, you can run it by us first if you want! You mentioned that you would like to choose honesty instead of being always kind. But it seems to me that honesty is a subset of kindness. We don’t have to use ”brutal” candor when we tell the truth, because in my belief there is only one truth: that most of us most of the time are slogging around the best we can (or the best we can think of in the moment), we are doing a very very vulnerable iffy job of it due to our past hurts, and someday somewhere we ...
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Ooh, Alikat, what a nice idea! Wow. Ok, let me figure out how that works. There oughta be a way! Then people at CZ can look at the pictures while probably eating the same thing for lunch. :) A funny thing happened yesterday. I went out to the church with the healing service for Sunday worship, and also went to a park where people were throwing balls for their dogs to fetch. I watched for a long time because it looked so fun, and a few dogs came over and gave me the ball to throw. Then I went home and cried myself to sleep and cried even more waking up and had to call in late to wo ...
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What a dear message. I mean, ya, I sure heard the distress too but really, how dear you are for even SPEAKing to me again after that little Deseret News nugget jumped out atcha. The flylady.net website is kind of grabby and overwhelming, and maybe the slogans are like AA, kind of strange for newcomers. It took me ages to fit the pieces together and see the point. Her book, ”Sink Reflections” by Marla Cilley, is easier and simpler; many libraries have it. Fly Lady is really only about giving an emotional lift and helping hand to women (or men) who feel down & drained by family work an ...
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Hi folks, Thank y’all again for all the support last time. The situation, again, was about having way too much emotional interactive energy all dressed up with no place to go, and feeling isolated and wanting to just jump off the world over it. Well, it’s still a big crusade 24/7, but I made a curious discovery: that this facet of me that is ready to jump, well, it also holds a lot of very strong positive feminine energy and especially energy that loves making things beautiful. So strangely enough the best immediate remedy for that despair (say, at 2 a.m.) is creating something gorg ...
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Oh, ok, this time it was easier, thank you for explaining all that! And just for the record, the actual asking for affection was really only one day, and only with my closest friends and relatives, and I was in a really dark night of the soul. I never asked again though. And you have JUST illuminated something that has made no sense to me until this minute. It may look like a tangent, but here goes: I love to write and draw, and show stories and drawings to people. And 99.999% of the time, the kindest most concerned people will glance at it and say ”You should be publishing this. ...
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Hi MH and supportive folks, I’ve started working with the ”no breakfast” plan, keeping the one main meal a day, at noon. At first it seemed impossible, because food is my favorite comfort and pacifier and I always want more NOW. So for help I have to actually pray to those old healers (and MH); I picture them sailing by on a pretty boat in sunshine and sparkling water, reaching their hands out to help me out of the mud and aboard the health journey. To get through the morning, carrying water with juiced oranges in it makes all the difference. That stuff feels like drinking light and ...
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Ever tried ”Crocs”? I love mine, and wear them with no socks. They make such a big difference. They’re rubber shoes with big holes all over and cleated soles. ($29 at Eastern Mountain Sports, or the internet.) They let your feet BREATHE. I wear mine everywhere even in winter except in actual snow. Also at night I soak my feet in hot water, epsom salts, and baking soda. If you read the forum by MH, the Barefoot Herbalist guy, he really emphasizes wearing no socks. He says if you are healthy, odor will leave the body through the feet. I’m glad I tried it. Ooh, the towel scrub sounds g ...
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Hi there, It’s a good question, and I take it seriously because I knew two people who had this to a strong degree. Both were super smart and very well groomed. It was pretty startling at first until I realized what was going on. One is a much older lady, the other a very young handsome fit man, so you see it can affect different people. The lady drank a lot (a lot) every night. The young man was on a pure protein diet and very happy about it. He wanted to lose some weight. The diet consisted of egg yolks and canned tuna, and nothing else to eat at all. You sound like a person w ...
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(Happy dance at my desk at work: tap tap tap, tap tap tap.) Hi Sissy, Sounds like you handled it in a class-act ladylike way all round: letting the lad free to work out his destiny on the open road (well, or in the neighborhood) and releasing that stressful situation with your gal friend. And he deserves credit too, for giving himself some time to work through the lessons from his last relationship. Only lil sentence that I kinda looked at funny was: ”I still want to help both of them where I am needed.” Well thanks to your kind heart, sounds like they don’t need you at the mome ...
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Oh my. ”He’s Just Not That Into You” was just what I needed. Well, I needed it sooner, but it’s good and funny and actually has some good standards and integrity! Glad you liked it too! A   [End]
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Hiii Mysti, Gee, never saw that show, but people sure like it! For years I had a cockatiel, she was about the smartest animal I’ve ever met. I’d love to have another, and a dog too, like yours! The art idea is to work quietly in a corner of the store drawing some leaf or root. Many people like to watch an artist working, and if they stop by I can give them recipes and we can chat. They can even vote on their favorite vegetable to put in the picture next! Then when the arrangement of fruit and vegetables is done, I can make color copies and include recipes and stories from the cust ...
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Hi Sis, Well, it is reassuring to read that you are still on your own, even if it’s on your own just feeling glum. Compared to where you were, even flat on your back on the couch is still a big step up. And you got through Christmas, too. What a brave thing, to be on your own in a new city and to take a break from relationships when it is necessary for a while. And yes, it can be very helpful to find a support forum. Sometimes even strangers can help us a lot. Just last night I found a church with a healing service and the people prayed for me and it was really good. So I will ...
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Hi there Mysti! I don’t have a big sister and I made up the name, but what a sweet coincidence! What were the odds of that? That is so sad about your neighborhood. Sunshine and beautiful vistas, and that kind of heartache going on. So sure, I could understand your wanting to move. Ooh, mini pinscher, I’m picturing something like a Manchester terrier. Probably smart as a whip and really lively. Yup, food and art. Last night I spent an hour drawing one square inch of a fresh leaf of mustard greens, shading in all the colors and little vessels. All that beauty that we never notice ...
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Whoa, Mysti, Arizona. I so get it. A friend of mine lived there and loved, loved it, but told me about the hat trick of living in a high-drug neighborhood. Those neighborhoods are a huge challenge and also have so much human potential. My teacher Bo Lozoff wrote about a guy who got out of prison after a long sentence. He had no money and no job. So he went to a community center in a tough neighborhood (I think Oakland) and asked for permission to borrow a couple of chairs. He sat in one and let people know that he was there to sit and listen to their problems. These gang kids started co ...
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Well, that is one delightful picture. And I am pleased to see that your little uns can each flip 3 cases apiece into the air. Of course if they are empty cases that is different, but that didn’t occur to me right away. Next photo will be Super Dog fetching the boxes into the house one by one. Thank you for that testimony, and for all that you do, A   [End]
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I hope it has a bed and it’s warm, and that you get some sleep! Blessings, Autumn   [End]
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Lightbringer, that was adorable. Always a pleasure to see your posts. Do you like hats? I picture you strolling out for an evening promenade in a light summer suit and tie and a straw hat. Tipping it to the neighbors on their porches. In colorful contrast, I’m wearing a gang-style ”hoodie” in my chilly office. Six inches of sleet and snow on the way in a couple of hours! Blessings, Autumn   [End]
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Thank you for letting me know that, in fact I wouldn’t have known your message was down there. I typed something back, but it’s only a partial answer because I have to sit with your advice and let it sink in. What’s curious is that my main counselor (he’s excellent) has been encouraging me for years to take my own capacity for personal power and floor the pedal: really take my talents and jet ahead and go public and be BIG in the world. He insists that’s the only way my right soul mate will even recognize me, since what I need is a soul mate with a lot of talent and power of his own. ...
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Hi 42781, Goodness, thank you for your thoughts and for letting me know that this message is down here. I’ve been sitting here reading your post for 45 minutes now and trying to wrap my mind around it but just getting myself confused. So far I’m a little slow about being able to recognize myself in your description. Maybe my pain level is so high that it’s making me stupid. That’s ok, your message isn’t going anywhere and I have the main points memorized so I can go through the next few days and ponder what you’re saying and also ponder my interactions, with strangers and acquaintances ...
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Hiya Mysti, Wow, we seem to have opposite lives. Did I fall out of the back of your mirror? My town is fab fab fab, people would sell their mother’s Pekingese for a chance to live and work here, but I’m leaving because there is so much going on that people are stressed out of their hats and have no time to talk to anyone twice. It’s all a big revolving smiling Rolodex, and we must get together, bye! Ok, seriously. What have you tried so far, and what happened? Did people just never call back, or did they turn out to have big issues? It was interesting to hear that your neighbor ...
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Hi Hon. Your lil distress call thread down below was getting way long and I thought you wouldn’t find my reply, so here goes now. Hey angel, Yiiiiiiiiiiike, I’m SO sorry this is so hard. There is so much stress going on for you, it sounds so rough and words seem inadequate. I’m standing at the door of the cave, saying ”Hallooo, who’s home?” with a neighborly covered dish in hand. Maybe something hearty made with cream o mushroom soup and fried onion rings and cornflakes on top. Those always sounded interesting. Or jello. Hoping it’s the thought that counts. What do you mean about ...
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Hi kid, this thread is getting real long, so I have started a new one up above just for you. Hope you like it! Autumn   [End]
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