sounds all too familiar.   [End]
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DSM XI of nacissistic pd is on the WHO website. NPDs are of the worst because of thier delusional grandiosity, thier cruelty and thier ability to suck other humans dry to the bone with no ability to feel remorse. NPDs take take take, cheat, cheat, cheat, lie constantly, and have ZERO empathy unless it is ”feigned” faked, for the NPDs personal gain. The NPD differs from the other mental illnesses in that the NPDs disease is to EXPLOIT others and suck others dry. Some sayings that came from those who have known NPDs ”You can’t get blood from a stone” -NPDs TAKE take take and never give ...
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i agree that what you describe is a nightmare, but i dont think it is narcissism. you have described a plethora of pathologies, including sociopathic killers, mass killers, pathalogical liars, parnoics and schizophrenics. those folks dont need narcissism to be the way they are.   [End]
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NPD, Narcisitic personality disorder is one of the DESTRUCTIVE personality disorders. The NPD destroys any unfortunate person, group, business, or company that are unfortunate enough to have to be near a narcissisist and deal with a narcissist. NPD are often criminal con artists as a co morbid factor of NPD. If you have a NPD in your life they are a very destructive element and you must get out of the NPDs orbit to save yourself. Violent irate military killers are often NPD’s, they are sent to destroy in wars and kill and maime and demolish other humans and any environment they ...
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Hey Soulfulsurvivor, It sounds like your ex’s p 0 r n addiction ruined him for life. That, and the fact that he didn’t love you were good reasons to get out of that situation. I admire your courage and fortitude. See? You are much stronger than you thought! It’s so therapeudic to discuss it peers, too. :) I have a good friend that has been ruined by p 0 r n, too. When I think of how he was before, and now. (I’ve known him 15 years.) Well, it’s a completely different person. I have figured out exactly when i have to follow the exit sign. It’s when the significant person in my life is ...
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from ”rollin and tumblin” by bob dylan: Well, I did all I know just to keep you off my mind Well, I did all I know just to keep you off my mind Well, I paid and I paid and my sufferin’ heart is always on the line Well, I get up in the dawn and I go down and lay in the shade I get up in the dawn and I go down and lay in the shade I ain’t nobody’s house boy, I ain’t nobody’s well trained maid I’m flat out spent, this woman been drivin’ me to tears I’m flat out spent, this woman she been drivin’ me to tears This woman so crazy, I swear I ain’t gonna touch another one for years
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read closely: ”Women and Children and Parental Alienation Syndrome Parental Alienation Syndrome is a manifestation of the entitlement of the narcissist. Watch out for this. Be prepared before divorce.. This is used to gain custody by the narcissist. ”The clinical distrust of mothers, simply because they are women, the eagerness to bend over backwards to like fathers, simply because they are men is mind numbing. Mother-blaming and woman-hatred sizzle on each clinical page. Mothers are psychiatrically accused of alienating a child from the child’s father if that child does not res ...
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What happened to me was that my ex was able to parrot responses, replies, etc., that he believed that I wanted to hear, see, feel, etc.  Those qualities that he did not possess, desired, and despised were mirrored back from me (and, others).  Whatever he seemed to be was only a reflection of the visual emotional information that he absorbed from other people.  He seemed so caring and interested in me, but little by little, I allowed myself to be objectified and dehumanized.  The dehumanization began as a "one-upmanship" game.  If I ha ...
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”And, those qualities that the victims fell in love with never existed - the kind, caring, giving person that seemed to exist was a facade intended to reel in the unsuspecting victim.” SoulfulSurvivor, this makes so much sense. I had never thought of it that way. But it’s true. Control Preditors. Yeah. Exactly. hollytree   [End]
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Thanks for the sentiments and affirmation that there are people out there who will commit the same sins against others that my son did (still does).  I grieve for my son, most definitely, but I don’t experience the depth of pain that I once did - guilt, shame, etc.  I will be healing and surviving for the rest of my life.  It’s the regressions that I fear, today, not the ex or son, etc.!  Best of luck to you, too!    [End]
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The NPD is an extremely self serving, other exploiting, human, who destroys others. NPD’s are damaged in childhood and they act out this childhood damage by DESTROYING others. NPDs misuse, abuse, rob and DESTROY any humans that are UNFORTUNATE enough to have to be near the NPD. NPD’s are con artists and very very DESTRUCTIVE to those unfortunate enough to be around them. You may have NPD in your own personality and that is one reason you could be attracted to a NPD. Go online and learn about NPD and get help for yourself... before the NPD individual destroys you. Good Luck   [End]
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At first, when I read your darling note....bless you....I thought, ”No, you have nothing to offer really; ’unqualified’.....you’re still WITH your batterer.” But you know....someone said something that sparked an idea. Let me pass onto you Positive Pause Daily Version....it’s online somewhere and speaks mightily to being ”open to love” and about the risks of doing so. Still.......you SHOULD be careful not to deceive yourself about the signs along the road. Ask God to show you big ”BEWARE” or ”STOP” signs if you need to not go out with someone. (I deceived myself TWICE about the SA ...
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I say the 23rd Psalm over and over until I fall asleep. Dee-lish! :O)   [End]
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Wow. You really smacked that one on the head. You sound like me! Meanevilbad&nasty, too, eh? My husband talks one thing and does another. We come across as conservative, decent but then behind closed doors he watches anything and everything and so do the kids. He is not a good parent; can only try to ”be their friend”, leaving me as the only parent. They know how to ”work it” like nobody’s business. (Guess who he always sides with?) Bad situation and has always been like this except when they were younger and he couldn’t be bothered to give them the time of day. My gosh, how I ...
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Wow, finally....a woman whose spouse is also charming. I was beginning to wonder. And feel guilty....like I had to make sure everybody here knows how wonderful my husband is. Uhhh. Wonderful narcissist? Is there such a thing? Is he wonderful so he can be called ”wonderful”, therefore, it is still all manufactured?? When is he being ”wonderful” and when is he being narcissistic? Jekyll? Hyde?? It takes years sometimes. The thing that made me go ”bingobango” and identify with you was the horrendous ”YOU can take it” attitude I endure to this day. I have had to make sure that h ...
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Wow. THAT was pretty heavy-hitting. No pun intended. I never thought of THAT. Don’t think mine had syphillis although that is a distinct possibility (and he got cured.) I have always been deeply aware that how he viewed women was paramount. It DID NOT MATTER that *I* knew my value came from GOD....that he would tell me, matter of factly, ”I have value, you have NO VALUE”....his views of women were tainted. Deeply tainted by (drum roll)....pornography. It has destroyed so many men (and women.) Also, his ”1st time” was when he was taken as a young sailor to prostitutes. He wen ...
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You know what else is a favorite tactic?! If they NEVER SAY YOUR NAME. Like you aren’t human or something, don’t HAVE a name like THEM or everybody else. Only WORTHWHILE people actually HAVE NAMES. Forcryinoutloud, don’tchaknow?! So after I figured it out, I really had to laugh. It is sad, really, I know. Does a man feel so insecure that he never hugs his wife-ever? Never says her name but maybe 6 times in over 20 yrs. (Of course, he denies it! In fact, he said my name just today. To my face! And I’m sittin’ here thinking.... ”work it. REWRITE!” (He is FAMOUS, in my book, ...
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God, that is funny. Dang. I know the ”experts” would probably rip on you for that but I understand as only another battered wife or abused wife can. I hate it but it’s true. I am Danish and make a really $#*++y ”victim”. :O) What torments him is that I know the truth and refuse to lie for him so he can stay or hide in his ”comfort zone”. (He should have thought about that over 20 yrs ago, if THAT is what he wanted!) I just tell the truth. He hates that. I don’t ”rub his nose in it” or purposefully bring it up to no avail....I think God has just given him countless times to t ...
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Merry Christmas, sweetie! (And no, you’re not rambling, it’s just the facts!) Your narcissist’s M.O. is ENTIRELY different than mine,as he has never, EVER threatened suicide. He can BE ABSOLUTELY charming at times, can’t yours? I would be surprised if your husband (ex) was NEVER charming....”Ya don’t go fishing without bait.” There is usually SOMETHING they use....to get what they want. No compassion here, either. Cold as ice....unless he WANTS TO BE SEEN as generous, of course. Then he’ll give the shirt off your back. In public! Mine is VERY respected in our community. Li ...
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I truly HATE IT, but I have to admit that our cases are too similar for comfort. Starting at ”MY checkbook”....said really snarly many, many years ago. You also recognize ”narcissism”....somewhat new to me. I couldn’t believe that there was ACTUALLY A NAME for the patterns I had seen over and over for decades. Pathetic. My ability to effectively support myself was totally destroyed by the first attack. Now........I still continue to suffer insult to injury as he has very effectively built a seemingly airtight case of ”I’m not a batterer, SHE’S CRAZY.” My body has all but shut ...
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boy oh boy, I am sitting here just humbled by your story. You really are a soulful survivor, i am sorry for your grief. My dad was an air force mechanic in the late 50’s - never saw any action outside of his airbase, and was honorably discharged because of an auto accident that injured his knee - I have his papers, which he doesn’t know. Now I remember hearing that he injured his knee playing football for the Packers - line o’ s__t - my son has heard that he was a bomber pilot in the Korean War, and he told some guy - while I was sitting next to him mind you - that he was in Vietn ...
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Yes,  my eldest practices the same stuff that his father did (does), but he’s much more violent.  He nearly choked his wife to death and made out like he was having epileptic blackouts.  Of course, after much testing, he was diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder.  It’s my belief that it can be both genetic and environmental.  My son watched what his father did to me to get whatever it was that he wanted, and he now applies the same practices, but even more so.  My abuser used to make up all sorts of wild claims that could never be corroborated or disproven ...
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Yeah, no cable or satellite for me either, and I don’t miss it. My mom once told me ”do not subscribe to popular culture”. I get it... I once told my darling that if she ever called CPS that they would take me to jail and her to foster care, but that if I got out, I would beat the crap out of her, so it wouldn’t be worth the vicious cycle of beatings. lmao - tongue in cheek of course. I have SUCH a low tolerance for abusive behavior, and speak up about it in a firm manner - she was trained by my abusers - I watch that same behavior - when confronted with her poor character or behavior, ...
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Well, our culture of media promotes Me-ism, to the zillionth degree!  Look at all of the "reality" programming!  People who watch this tripe (kids, AND adults) are witnessing that bad behavior is rewarded with cash!  If a person can lie, cheat, steal, and win the contest, they walk away with a bucketload of cash.  Then, there’s the "music" that’s popular, today.  There’s no hope, no ambition (except to kill cops or rival drug dealers), too much sex, etc., etc.  I see prepubescent girls running around in mini skirts and thoroughly ...
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I get you on that. I make it a point - no, a spiritual duty - to live in sunch a way as to not be a detriment to another human - this only occured forme after living with and loving abusers all of my adult life. I got so battered in all areas by them, and I swear, now that I am free of them, that I will never, ever maliciously or insidiously treat ANYONE. I find that I have to work hard at this, do you know how hard it is NOT to road rage or retaliate with ”tit for tat” tactics?? I go through this with my teemager- children and young adults are still dealing with the normal narcissistic ...
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We hear about responsibilities and home and family values and work hard. The good samaritan and me first. And we hear - spare the rod and spoil the child. Honor thy father and thy mother. Give until it hurts and this is the true church and dedicate yourself. Business and advertising is all about competition. So is patriotism. Our way is better and fight for your country. People hit and hurt each other all over television entertainment and buy this hamburger or car. He who has the most toys when he dies - wins. Go out and play in the traffic. That’s life. Take this ...
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Molly & Miss Kitty, more women than not either have been abused or are being abused.  I disagree with the post that suggests that abusers are suffering from the effects of syphilis - abusers have only one disease:  CONTROLITIS. So, we have to teach our children (male & female) about narcissism and abuse in the best ways that we can.  I know a number of women that are narcissists, as well.  And, the damage to people who are taken in by these people is so devastating that it’s crippling, for most.  I had mentioned the gal with the Ph.D in psychology that got involved with a coupl ...
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Abusers are self and other destructive sickies. They are liars robbers and murderers. NO ONE, has the right to hit anyone else. Abusers often suffer from advanced, 3rd stage, tertary syphilis brain infections, the syphilis spirochettes are corkscrew shaped ~~~ and in late stage syphilis the blood is ’teeming’ with treponoma pallidum aka syphilis corckscrew spirochettes that cause ’gummas’ sores, open ulcers in brain, organs, spine, joints and on the body, skin, torso, face etc. This disease causes behavior disorders and impairs judgement if the spirochettes nest in the brain, as they often ...
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I volunteered at a womens crisis clinic for a couple years. It go too depressing after a while because so many women would go back to these jerks. I didn’t know about shelters when I was in my mess. But then I thought it was my fault in a way. I thought one of us was going to end up dead in order for me to get away. He didn’t abuse my daughter, well he did, by teasing incesently but never hit her. Had he I would have killed him. That upsets me more than anything, that a woman will let a man hit or sexually abuse her kids. I can’t imagine being that beat down or in denial. Thank ...
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God when my X smoked pot he would start one of his ”Let me tell you about me” speaches. He would quiz me too so I actually had to listen. No wonder the stuff made me paranoid. LOL! One time I really got him though. He was lecturing me through the entire night about something and I just couldn’t take it any more. So I just started to scream. I screamed and screamed and screamed and woke everyone in the house. They must have thought I was getting murdered. He didn’t talk to me for three days. LOLOLOL! K   [End]
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HA HA!! I killed him in my dreams. I still dream about him but they are not bad. It’s usually that I’m back with him but he never have sex. And I wonder why and why I’m even with him again. And sometimes think, how the hell am I going to get away from him again. He also had me thinking ”I was a jinx”. In a desparate attempt to get me back he threatened me and tried to convince me that I owed any success I had in life to him. LOL!!! I’ve gone on to do quite well w/o ANY man in my life. I can relate to the PTSD. I would get all stressed out every time a car pulled into the driv ...
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It is insidious. 10 years altogether. A very strong man, very charismatic, good looking, charming, highly sought after by other women. No wonder he picked me. I was willing to put with most anything. And I was treated pretty well for about 5 years. On year 6, he ramped up ”teasing”, and teasing became criticism, and criticism turned into hitting, pushing, etc. He ripped up and destroyed years of original artwork I did. I had no idea what narcissism was until after I met him. He fits the profile perfectly. He left me for another woman. Thank goodness. But there were clue ...
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i used pot for that for a long time   [End]
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For 2 years after I left the SOB, I had nightmares in which I would relive almost every incident of abuse.  Then, one night, I started the same old nightmare pattern and, to my surprise, fought back, flipped him over on his back, pinned him down with that dream-reality strength that’s nonexistent in "real life," and spat in his face!  ROTFLMAO!!!!  From that time on, I didn’t experience another nightmare, to this day. One thing I do experience, though, is episodes of PTSD, though they are so infrequent today that they hardly qualify as episodes.  It ...
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They would rather invent a drug to prevent us from getting cervical cancer that comes from a virus. Did you know that? I didn’t know that. Pretty soon, or maybe it’s already happening, we will have to take pills just to keep us alive. One of my X’s favorite phrase was ”What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine”. Oh and ”Let me tell you about me.” That’s when I’d curl into the fetal position and start sucking my thumb. (not really, the thumb part). It’s been over 20 years and I still dream about him. Only I’m not afraid anymore.   [End]
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Exactly - the only emotion that my abuser ever demonstrated was rage when he was denied money, sex, control, etc., and GLEE when he exerted control over finances, sex, spirituality, parenting, etc.  His famous line (only God knows how many times he screamed this at me), "You’re UNDERMINING MY AUTHORITY!" was a constant within the walls of our domicile.  In public, he appeared to be so calm, rational, reasonable, genuine, etc!  ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!  <sigh>.....why doesn’t Merck come up with some stinking drug for THIS?!?!?!  LMAOLMAOLMAO  T ...
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That’s interesting what you said about him not showing any emotion. Looking back my abuser only showed emotion when talking about himself. He never hugged me, EVER! Kitty   [End]
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<<<<HUGS>>>>  Bless your heart - of course, you’re afraid!  You’re taking another risk, and risk is always scary!  We are so comfortable with the "known devil," as my mother used to say, than the unknown. As the post previous to yours stated, "...still waters run deep," and that is 100% accurate.  Mad, passionate encounters are emotional (and, physical) poison.  It may seem wonderous, but it quickly turns sour.  So, let things go as they go.  Don’t be disappointed if you aren’t full-out crazy about thi ...
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You know, I honestly believed that the dynamics within my family and the abuse that I endured was "normal," until I began observing the benefits of healthy relationships!  And, it’s nearly 10 years, to the day, that I told my abuser that I wanted a divorce.  The final straw was the abuser’s reaction when a much-beloved neighbor passed away in the middle of the night.  She was fighting liver cancer and lived 2 doors down.  I saw the lights of an emergency vehicle, ran down, saw the paramedics loading her into the ambulance, and told her husband that ... [Image Embedded Here]
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gee, sounds like my house   [End]
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This is some amazing stuff you’re talking about here. Can you write to me? I’d love to talk with you more (abruno5978@aol.com). Even if you don’t, just thanks! Thanks for taking the time to write to me with your story of hope. I’m trying real hard. I don’t want to be abused anymore (to let myself). I still watch my mom be abused. Eesh. She just actually told me she admired me for leaving my last relationship. I feel stronger. I may have a date next week with a ”regular” guy. A nice guy. But I’m scared I’ll shoo him away. I want to be open.   [End]
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authenticity ”The highest courage is to dare to appear to be what one is.” -John Lancaster Spalding Oh and if your authentic expression is against the law of presiding ethics- try and keep it away from the public and others that you may love   [End]
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I think your first step is what you have already done. To realise what is going on and to decide this is not what I want for myself. Congratulations. i think you are halfway there. Now your unconscious may have had reasons for picking boyfriends in a particular pattern as I am sure some aspect of you was being answered to by those men. Maybe the part that needed to have confirmed all these things we sometimes deeply believe - like I am worthless, I dont deserve the nice guy, I am boring blabla. Well now you have seen that that isnt you and that you deserve nothing else but the good things ...
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Thanks for your note. I will say this. I’m doing well. I’m aware of things, and my only ’issue’ at the moment, is that I need to let go more and not beat myself up. (”Why couldn’t I have figured this out sooner” type questions and so forth). In many ways, I’m filled with joy, just to know, this is my path and I remain a person who is compassionate and genuinely caring. My therapy was what it was. It was slow and eventually went deep, though I think I can go deeper. It was like an onion; we peeled back layers and we got to the core. I let go of three major relationships through that therapy ...
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Someone used this term in a post today and I’ve heard it before, but I’d like to know the traits and characteristics. I’m turning 35 in a couple weeks, and I feel like I’ve been in the same relationship (with three different men) over the course of the last 20 years. All of them are my father. I realize this. What I want now, is to be able to be attracted and fall in love with someone who is kind, giving, empathic, supportive, unselfish, warm, loyal, trustworthy. Can someone tell me this is possible? I no longer want these wretched dramas with these men. The first one hit me, the ...
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What are ya in for?   [End]
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Confess and you can leave this horrible place Take the blame for the things you did How can you look in the mirror at that guilty face? Of all the unspeakable things you did and thought they were hid? Why should I confess to something so untrue? Take the blame and condemn my soul to hell? Admit to something I did not do? If I said I did this a lie I would tell. Isn’t speaking the truth also God’s law? I won’t take the blame I would rather die I’m not perfect I have my flaws But about this I just can’t lie. I did not commit this treacherous act My soul shall be guiltless ...
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Agreed... ”Most” is really not a fair term - my apologies. The main point is that any individual suffering from any disorder must seek help, themselves. And, anyone with any disorder may find coping mechanisms in different venues: spiritual; counseling/therapy; etc. But, to say that anyone is ”cured” of such a potentially devastating disorder is, in my view, incorrect, though optimistic. A person who suffers an eating disorder will always, and forever, be coping with whatever triggers their cycles, regardless of how long they have been successfully managing their issues. Similarl ...
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[Body Hidden by a Moderator]   [End]
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There is a CD by Shaina Noll called Songs for the Inner Child.It will touch your soul. If you go to Shainanoll.com Listen to the sample song How can anyone, it will blow you away.Very healing!   [End]
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I think you have taken the first step toward healing the past just by speaking out about it and asking for help. There are components in my own life that are similar to yours and, like you, I grew up poor and couldn’t afford counseling either but I found free counseling through the mental health centers in my area. Please check, there may be a free option for beginning to find a way to talk about these things. Churches are another good place to go for help. Many churches offer free counseling or they have funds in place to help those who cannot afford counseling to get it, free of ...
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http://curezone.com/dis/1.asp?C0=358 To find out about any health/beauty issue use the Curezone google search box in the upper right corner of the forum page. I do see, though, that you are focusing on the negative & you’re certainly not alone there! Women have it so hard in this society with the way the media portrays us! When I was a teenager I DEVOURED magazines...”17” & ”teen”. I studied hairstyles & make-up tips. At that time (the 70’s, I’m 47 now). The ”ideal beauty” had a ”perfect” oval face. I always thought that my face was too wide so I tortured my hair so that it halfw ...
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Well about the doing one thing perfectly, I do everything I can perfectly. I am a perfectionist. Thanks for the tip of what to think about while doing it, I never thought of it like that before. About the beaty and facial things, I already do stuff like that but I have had stretch marks since age 12 (grew tall too fast) and when I asked my mom about them she never had an answer for me so they just got worse. I am only 23 and I started getting vericose veins really bad on my legs and even a couple small ones on my face. I started taking bee pollen and they quuit comming for awhile but when ...
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Hmmm...so you’re without transportation...Thank goodness for the world wide web! Here is something that was given to me on this website... http://guyfinley.achieveradio.com/#arch Guy Finley!! He is AWESOME! All about freeing up your mind! & DO visit the affirmations forum, check out Owen’s affirmations. Also, a REALLY EASY way to start feeling good about yourself is to do one thing perfectly...I dunno, clean out the fridge, shine everything that’s shinable, just do a REALLY good job of it. This sounds kind of silly but it really works! The care that you take in doing the simple t ...
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I did read it but it’s a bit more complicated than you think. I can’t exactly avoid dating because I am currently living with my boyfriend and I don’t have any family that I could live with. It was a nice idea that you mentioned about joining non profit organizations to feel good but in all reality I don’t have transportation right now and there is no public transportation on the mountain where I live. Plus it isn’t like I have the money for transportation, I don’t even have a job right now. Other than that I dont really think I could afford to devote a lot of my time to something without ...
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Thanks, O bringer of light! I just hope that she read it... :D   [End]
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Madame Wombat, Thanks for giving that young Lady such good sound advice,you may have just saved that childs life. I admire your ability care and share in such a loving manner. In all probability she will be more receptive of the advice from another Lady. Journey on and have a great week. Sincerely I C L   [End]
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Pretty much all of my life I have been abused, when I was a child it wasn’t physically, more like verbally and mentally. My dad was nowhere to be found and my mom was an alcoholic, I would always go to sleep to the sound of her and her boyfriend fighting. Every time I would ask my mom questions she would either tell me some %¤#&!§-answer like when I asked where chocolate milk came from she said it came from brown cows. That was one of the few questions she actually did answer, she usually just told me to shut up every time I asked her anything. Then she quit drinking due to DUIs and AA mee ...
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Oh Molly,Jerk is right.I did file a report at a local crisis center so there would be something on paper.I had never been scared of him before.I’m so sorry you’ve been through this.I’ve followed your great oil pulling advice and am forever grateful to you for it and thank you again for this sage advice.In a weird sense I feel this has actually empowered me to face this.I think i’m going to get some sleep so that I can start looking in a new direction.Thank you again Molly and lots of love,heather   [End]
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Holy Crap. Total basic abusive behavior. What a jerk. I had a husband just like that. It got worse and worse, until it was over. He ended it, and I was distraught. Looking back, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I had no idea how long he was verbally abusing me until I looked back. I was a mess. I seriously was damaged mentally before the physical abuse started. They never change. They don’t get better, they get worse. Get the hell out of there now. Save your daughter, and save yourself. If you were about to make a change, good, go somewhere, anywhere ...
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Two nights ago my husband/partner of sixteen years threw our dreams and relationship away.The worst part is we have a seven year old daughter.He has been verbally abusive for a while.It really struck home when I read one of magnoliabrooks blogs the other day.But for a good while now he has criticized any of my efforts be it work or around the house.He says such cruel things then turns around and denies it.If he ever makes a mistake he denies those as well.It is so frusturating.Tonight he told me to put all my silliness aside and just be happy-this is after the event which I now am going to ...
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Yeah. She needs to accept herself and let God use her. Because she doesn’t always realize that God has put many positive qualities in her, she is often afraid to love herself, and thinks that my love for her is false. I see the love in her, and that she is smart and really needs and wants God in her life. But i think because she doubts herself, it also sometimes makes her doubt my love. Thanks. And LittleOrange, if and when you read this, please don’t feel that you are not worthy of love. Because of the Lord, we can have love. You are not alone in this world. You said yourself ...
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Basically, codependency is an identity crisis (not knowing yourself and feeling that happiness is only for other people). My depression was from an identity crisis not just from a dysfunctional family, but because I realized when I was very young that my parents should never have been married (that left me without a solid heritage and unable to firmly establish that I should exist). This is mainly a SUBCONSCIOUS knowledge that children of divorce have, but even if there is no divorce, as soon as a child realizes that their parents were ”not made for each other”, there will be a feeling of ...
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i am here for you. we have known each other a long time and i love you and i do want to learn proper ways to support you and overcome codependency issues. Much if this i feel God will teach us.   [End]
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feel free to encourage her but actually i am dating her. I would like some tips myself on the proper way to support her in order to strengthen love and avoid feeding codependency behaviours.   [End]
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Thank you for letting me know 68495, You are always welcome to share on this forum.   [End]
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do not involve with the user littleorange. she does have a boyfriend.   [End]
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I came from a abuse background, I think maybe it is the reason i block male. I was beated badly by dad and later abused by others sexually etc......so now when i was in the age for marriage, actually i already past the age, i always block marriage and i never really loved a male, although i dated some when i was not a real christian and did some crazy things. A christian guy got a few visions from God months ago , God told him to come to me, but finally wake me up that i m a person that can not love a man..... I still feel i need to get married cuz when i get older i need to find a f ...
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Rinna, I’m sorry I haven’t seen your post until now. I’m glad to know that someone is interested. About two months ago, I noticed a pattern in someone’s post here at Curezone. A long period of depression that had gone unnoticed/unrealized (taken for granted until grown enough to ’be dissatisfied’) instead of thinking the adversity ’deserved’ because of being ’less’ than human. I was not just disrespected by family, but since it was dysfunctional, they took joy in holding me up to scorn (I was the most gentle person of the family, convenient target for their frustrations). I could not deve ...
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In all my years of counselling and 12 step support groups, I’ve never heard such a dead on understanding of what and why depression is. Could you elaborate a little more on how you found your way out of it???   [End]
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We (society) tend to root for the professionals because we want to be validated (approved of) by them, but they only understand fromn a spectator’s point of view that wants money. Professionals of all kinds know that society tends to consist of hypochondriacs, and that guilt and shame is a tendency because of identity crisis and conscience and (we’re our own worst critics). I’m a 52 year old male that has suffered 51 yrs. of suicidal depression because of an identity crisis from a broken spirit (childhood family ostracized me). All of my life I had a feeling that something about my life ...
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What kind of abuse and how severe? How does he he treat you? How is your marriage relationship? Why don’t you get some parenting books and read them together. Be sure to get ones that you agree with etc. He may be able to learn from them what a parent and child relationship should be like. The two of you may also come to agreement on how you will parent your child when it comes to routine, discipline, wants vs. needs etc.   [End]
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my husband of 6 years and i are getting ready for our first child. he, as a child, was severely physically abused. i know the real answer is to get him couseling but we do not have money for that, it is so expensive. and there arent any support groups around my area anywhere. im not a couseler or anything but i have made huge steps with him regard his anger..i know that given the right tools i can help him and he trust me as far as teaching him how to look at things differently and learn. i little background..the abuse really didnt stop until about 4 years ago. i just recently learned t ...
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You surprise me, Been There. I’ve not thought of anything I had to do to feel better, as particularly exceptional in any way. My poor parents thought of themselves as ’needing correction’, as they raised us to think. And as they had been raised, just the same as my grandparents. The ’sin’ wasn’t so much in the corporal punishment anyone meted out, but in the l-a-c-k of understanding of real human feelings the young grew up with. If you don’t see it, feel it, you don’t know it exists. Luckily, I grew up in the time when there was no ’medical’ help for feeling bad. And we we ...
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A long time ago, coming out of a little nervous breakdown, and leaving my husband, I asked a counsellor why my father had ’disciplined’ us so severely in our childhoods. We were nice little kids. The answer came immediately; ”Because he thought he was supposed to.” That made perfect sense as he, himself, had been severely disciplined to conform to the then accepted religious beliefs; by a mother (my grandmother), an orphan raised by do-gooder strangers, in a foreign country. My mother had been raised in rural poverty, without a father, who had died when she was an infant. My mot ...
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At some point in time a few years ago, I had an abusive boyfriend. Not physically, but he was a confused manipulator. The mental damage he has done to me is nearly irreprable.(sp?) He told me that if I loved him, I’d let him have sex with me. I consented at first, but after realizing what I was doing I asked him to stop. He said he couldn’t and continued until he finished. I feel like I’ve been used and that I’m a physical toy, but I don’t know if this can be classified as rape. I certianly feel horrible nowadays.   [End]
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I found a site for people under peer presure go to this site http://www.drefetr.com   [End]
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Dear 45829, First of all, I’m VERY sorry that your daughter and you are going through all this!!! And the first thing which I hope is helpful is this suggestion: If you would like feedback and discussion quickly, I’d suggest that you tell us your story at a forum already set up, called ”Beaten and Battered Wives Support.” On the home page, see Forum Categories, then click on All Forums, A, B, C... and in the alphabetical order view it’s right there under B. The only difference is that there is a regular group of people who have been posting their insights there already and are used t ...
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I hope that with this post, a discussion will be prompted. My daughter is being abused by her boyfriend. She went to the police and placed a complaint which put him in jail for several hours. She also has a court order for him to stay away from her. Now, she’s thinking of getting back together with him. Please help me. I’m sure someone knows why abused women go back to abusive men. My daughter is smart, used to be independent, goal oriented, and ambitious. Now she does what she can to change for him. She never changed for any other boyfriend. Please give me some insight so I can ...
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he is not meeting your pain with any real sentiment and being in a relationship is all about sharing our innermost thoughts and feelings. It is the only route to intimacy. And without this intamicy you will not be able to enjoy sex with him. It is obvious he finds it a difficult subject to talk about. Maybe he feels anger and helplessness. Like he cant provide a solution so what the point in talking about it. So far you ahve blurted it out when deunk and he has said the worst thing he possibly could have. He has apologised but makes you feel pushed out when you want to talk about it. ...
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{note - please, this is not a complaint about ”women” in general, as it may be viewed by some to be that - K] I heard today that a dad who was kept from his kids by their mother is getting legal help. She is being ordered to let him see the kids.She is being fined for the support he gave her while breaking the arrangements for visits, shared custody. The kids are adults now, and they have started to visist Dad on their own initiative - they allways wanted to see more of him. This problem of ”forced-to-be-an-absent-dad” is much more common that we might think. Others here at C ...
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I have a little more to add to what I wrote yesterday. I won’t suggest traditional therapy because I think this is a really ”slow” way to try and resolve this. I did that. I mean it did help some but all I really learned was that ”rape” has nothing to do with sex and I got some understanding of why I didn’t fight. When one is raped you suffer a trauma which stays in the body until resolved. You could try to go to www.tat.intl.com and at that site you can view a free online traumatic stress release video. this is suppose to help release some of the trauma you suffer. I have tried t ...
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First of all, dont ever think that the ”rape” was your fault. I don’t care if you were drinking. He still didn’t have the right to hurt you. I recently learned something about rape I didn’t know before. Rape is not about the sex at all, it’s about having total control over someone. It’s a crime no matter how you look at it. A crime just like being robbed, ect. I have my own situation that I’ve had to try and deal with. For 20 yrs I had always thought it was my own fault. That I was asking for trouble--drinking, being in a bar, ect. I wouldn’t even comment on this but you can only p ...
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Hello new here. hope it’s okay to post. I feel weird, but need support. I’ll just get right to it. I’ve been holding it in for a long time... It’s been 5 years and I still feel like it’s yesterday, everyday. It happened when I graduated hs in 2000. I went to a grad. party at a friends house. we went swimming in the pool. stupidly we had drinks. i had never really drunk before. My bf at the time was there. He talked me into doing shots with him. being half lit anyway i did. I was very very drunk. my friend had a tent set up in her backyard and me and my bf were camping out in it. h ...
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Jesus Christ said there are men who are born eunuchs, men who are made eunuchs by men, and that He wanted spiritual eunuchs to serve His kingdom. Celibacy is a call by Christ. Hear and obey. The Democrats are the greatest factor in Catholic corruption, with pederasts given free rein by corrupt Democratic machine politics in Portland, Chicago, New Orleans, Boston, Los Angeles...It is a sin for Christians to vote for Democrats, and their pro-pornography, homosexuality, and abuse of children is reason enough aside from the evil Partial-Birth abortion, and abortion on demand policies. ...
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you are so right! The cover-ups by the church and the pay-offs, and sending them to other parishes....don’t get me started. It was even worse than the original offenses (if that is possible)   [End]
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What made the Roman Catholic child abuse situation so much worse is the fact that abusive priests were protected by the church. First, most catholics wouldn’t dare expose an abusive situation and second, abusers were moved to other churches when someone would dare to tell on a priest. Catholic children are told over and over that God speaks through the prist and to question a priest is to question God. Priests have a lot of control over the parishioners. This is why it is such a big deal that some priests are threatening John Kerry and any one who votes for him by withholding communion. Do ...
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I am not dismissing or in denial of this horrendous crime, but this was interesting: What the media often says, compared with reality: During the first few months of 2002, revelations of pedophelia, ephebophilia and hebephilia among some priests in the Roman Catholic church spread like wildfire across the U.S. The media gave the impression that: Most of the abusing priests were pedophiles -- molesting little children. Actually, most of the criminal acts were by hebephiles -- engaging in sexual activity with post-pubertal, 13 to 17 year old young men. That many priests abu ...
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How does abuse by Catholic and Protestant compare? You guessed it! Nobody knows with any accuracy. ”Gary Schoener, a psychologist whose Walk-In Counseling Center in Minneapolis has consulted with more than 1,000 victims of clerical sexual abuse, believes that the percentage of abusers is no higher among Catholic priests than among Protestant ministers. But in his experience, he said, priests have more victims because they operate longer before they are caught.” 14 Some people view celibacy as an unnatural lifestyle. They speculate that a higher percentage of priests are abusers th ...
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Yeah, the whole adult thing of dealing with the consequences of your decisions... something that we must all learn. Never easy though. Think it through, though I feel that you may already know where you stand. A life of regret is even harder than the temporary pain of doing something you don’t want to do.   [End]
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Good points, and you’re right about fear. It goes both ways though. Fear of losing someone great, or fear of staying in a relationship that’s not right. My problem lies in that once I say, we need to take a break, that’s it. He will never speak to me again, and there will be no chance of future reconciliation. He’s told me this in the past, and he says it’s too hard to try and stay friends with someone, it makes it too hard to get over them. I get that, but my decision has such finality to it that I really am wrestling with it. I literally change my mind every minute. I start thinking, I’m ...
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”Yes, indeed. But what if it’s too late? What if breaking up makes you realize that the person was really the one?” Living in fear of change, and living with shoulda, coulda, wouldas is limiting to our development. If that person was really the one, then there is always the chance that life will bring you together again. If you find that the person was really the one, after soooo much deliberation and consideration before breaking up, I would be surprised frankly. But, if you find yourself in that position, and have no chance to get back in a relationship with that person, you could sp ...
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Have I lost someone that truly loved me? Parting separate ways & having different experience will give you answers to these questions. Yes, indeed. But what if it’s too late? What if breaking up makes you realize that the person was really the one?   [End]
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Hi Patraman, Again this was a very tough decision, because a part of me really loved her and still does, and that is why I am very depressed about this decision. If you feel torn by your decision __afterwards__, then as you said, a part of your still loves her. For me, I feel at peace after my decision (at least so far) - even if many years later this turned out to be a bad decision, at least I finally followed my innder guide this time. The biggest struggle for me was before the decision, as I didn’t know how to handle the situation without hurting her. She’s a very nice ...
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I understand how you feel, Patraman. My gf of four years truly loved me, but we were very different in our lifestyles and our goals and the way we looked at others, the way we looked at the world. But what happens is you get lazy, and it’s so easy to go on; you both know deep down it can’t last forever, yet you let it slide, day after day. And the older you get, the harder dating and finding a new companion becomes. She was 47, me 49. In the end, I had to admit that it wasn’t going to work, as much as we both wanted it to. But I had to give it a chance, because in many ways we we ...
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Aside from anything else about her, when she said ”no problem, let’s go on and see...not thinking about the future”, that means that she has no real personality and does not deal with reality (definitely not good for a family). You made the right move.   [End]
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Hi to everyone! I have just joined and I’m really impressed with the quality of people who trade ideas here. I did something today, and really hope someone might read about it. I am 27, and my girlfriend is 30. For the past six years we had a relationship going, however today, I asked to break up, and left no doubt that this is a final decision. Our relationship passed many hurdles. From the six years, the six months I had been living in a different city. Afterwards, for 1 1/2 more years, I served in the mandatory army of my country, seeing my girlfriend l ...
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