blue chasms and precipice by lorraine m ..... Depression Forum
Date: 3/12/2004 5:19:28 PM ( 18 years ago ago)
i guess if you read my first post " can't take this anymore" you can see that you are not the only one that feels this way.
yeah... its hard and i guess I should be the LAST person to be giving you ANY advice since I too struggle to climb out of my own emotional pit nevertheless I thought that it wouldn't hurt to reach out.
I have also experienced many moments of peace that "surpasseth all understanding" ( a verse in the bible, can't remember which one exactly). those moments are rare but it is enough to remind me that my own mind is my own enemy.
I think that the spirit is not of our own but connected to God therefore if we are out of alignmnent ( spiritually, mentally, physically) our spirit body makes itself known loud and clear and will keep harrassing us until we take measures to get in alignment whether it be through prayer, cleansing, getting help etc
I wish I had the answers but I obviously don't otherwise I myself wouldn't be so desperate.
I just saw a movie yesterday entitled " Touching the Void".
Its a true story ( documentary docu drama ) about two guys who decide to climb a mountain in Peru. One guy ends up severely breaking his knees ( excruciating pain) and to top it off he plunges into an 80 feet plus chasm.
You would think that he would make every effort to climb out of it and he does but he simply cannot climb out of it ( by the way the camera footage of the chasm is absolutely astounding!!)
He is in a great deal of physical as well as emotional pain ( especially since his hiking buddy cut the rope in order to free himself ( you have to see the movie in order to understand).
the thing that got me however was that after a while, he decides to lower himself further into the chasm in order to see if there is perhaps some other way out . it seems almost crazy but he sees no other way but to go deeper into this unbelievable crevasse, this torturous and freezing labyrinth... he does.. he lowers himself bit by bit.. rope length by rope length.. he is cold, he is scared, he is utterly alone.. he can't even call for help because there is no one else out there.. he doesn't even know if this will do him any good.. then after hours and hours and hours and hours and .. seemingly infinite amount of time has passed...after he has gotten down to a certain depth.. he sees a light emerging from an opening and sees a path that he had not seen prior .. amazingly.. he recognizes it as the way OUT and he makes the slow and painful ascent to the top of the opening ..
well, since this is a true story and an account of an actual mountain climbing trek, the film itself was NOT trying to make any point
I, however, got a lot out of it
the title alone was "To Touch the Void"
So many times, i felt that i was in a void. A torturous chasm. This chasm is so incredibly gorgeous ( blue green ice patterns that take your breathe away) and yet it is freezing inside, cold and I feel hurt. I try to get out ( sometimes through meditation, sometimes through prayer, sometimes by just stop trying and switching "lanes" so to speak_ ) but the harder I try, the more obstacles I confront. So, sometimes I just go deeper into the chasm , in a quiet way ( still hurts) in order to see other ways out.. during the moments, in which I experience inexplicable peace, I figure that I have found an exit and I have "arrived" if even for a short while.. Inevitably ( or so it seems), I get plunged back into the chasm. Sometimes, ( like yourself perhaps), i have tried to see it through an artist's eyes. NOticing the intricacy of the chasm itself, trying to respect it even. It IS stunning and it does seem to have a way of awakening us .
When I pray, it seems that I plunge further into the chasm but at the same time I am ( sometimes) able to see ways out.
I see my whole life as a mountain climbing expedition up to some formidable but breathtaking pinnacle. The trick is to realize that I have already arrived. yes, it is easier said than done.
Just want to let you know that you are not alone. This world that we live in seems to be dictated in a very linear fashion ( just look at our government) . Simple rules and equations that amount to disaster. The task to surpass it, to not be affected by it is almost a feat in itself.
But hang in there, . Right now, I feel as if i am dangling by a rope overlooking the chasm ( see the movie and you will see an exact scene of this dilemma) . I know i have a ways to go before i see the base camp ( i know its there, can feel it, smell it even) but I am NOT THERE. i would be lying if i said that i were.
but I know its there and that is enough to keep me going.
well, i hope this has helped
i hope you also see the movie because it helped put things into perspective for me
i understand where you are and it sucks
the mountains were still astoudningly gorgeous
so was the snow
enjoy your trek
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