Re: That's a tough one.... by #86742 ..... Relationship Support Forum
Date: 9/29/2007 9:30:38 PM ( 14 years ago ago)
Speaking as a child of divorce, and as a mother whose children suffered through my own divorce, I can wholeheartedly recommend dropping all contact with your ex flame and getting some therapy with your husband. There are many reasons, most of them medical and fixable, for a low sex drive. If the reason turns out not to be medical, then it's time you both face this head on. It's easy to fantsize about what would be if you could go back to someone you loved before, but the bottom line truth is that if he were your soul mate you never would have left him to begin with, no matter how much you loved him. At the very least, you would have gone back to him rather than to marry another. Speaking of soul mates, I used to think I had one; we're divorced a long time now, and I've been remarried for some time. Polar opposite people, my two husband; I have figured out that the whole 'soul mate' feeling has boiled down to chemistry, plain and simple. Chemistry usually fades, and where it didn't initially exist, it can be developed. I never had chemistry for my current husband, but I knew he was right for me, logically, by who he is with who I am. Over time, with love, trust, and respect, not to mention common interests and goals, the chemistry developed for me. My opinion is that you are lonely, bored, and mourning your past, when you were happier. This man made you happy at some point, you loved him at some point in some way, or you never would have married him. Number one, remember the man you married and why you married him. Number two, remember that you are responsible for your own happiness, and until you figure out how to achieve and maintain that now, you'll never be happy with any man. Number three, sit down and open up to your husband in an unaccusing and calm manner, with honesty and love, and try to fix the marriage that you made a vow to, for your sakes and for your children's sake. You'll never forgive yourself if you don't try your hardest and do your best. Never.
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