thank you so much for responding i really appreciate it. i have looked into counseling, but this forum has been pretty much the only thing i've been able to do yet. thank you also for telling me a little bit about your problem also. i'm crazy about calories, fat calories, grams of fat, all kinds of stuff like that. i recently just moved in with my sister in a totally different city and i've been asking around for a whole foods stores like the one i used to go to, and luckily i finally found one which is very very encouraging. oh, and there is a trader joes too and i like a lot of the stuff they carry also, oh and i highly recommend the creamed honey if you like sweets, its 100% raw, but it's kinda hard and no fat just 60 calories per serving and it takes away the sweet cravings i get those a lot. some people wont eat it because its an animal by-product but i enjoy it.
lol anyways, i could totally tell i was addicted to all that food. not just fast food, but applebees, olive garden, all kinds of places and i just ordered so much i mean from apps to deserts. i'm not saying it was all them i had my own issues and reasonings for ordering that much. it was weird because when i started out throwing up my food it was small portions just more times throughout the day, then it became only once or twice but huge portions. it didn't matter to me because i was "in control" or at least i felt like it. oh, and i do not eat anything that is processed, contain any sugars, or even breads when i'm not making myself sick. whenever i eat and keep it down it's usually veggies, fruits, nuts, seeds, and stuff liek that but i eat the cooked, steamed, and broiled ones now... i have so much more to deal with, learn, and cope with but i'm starting to get there and i think this forum will help...you all have been there and gone through these types of situations in some way and it's easier to relate to someone like that, rather than people who haven't. for instance my sister is sooo helpfull and patient with me and wants me to get better, but i still feel bad like i dont want her to hear anything because she doens't deserve it and wont understand why i'm like this.
if you dont mind me asking how did you cope and deal wiht your situation? was there a turning point that just stands out completely? thanks again for writing =)