A further comment...
Today, I reread this whole thread, beginning in the Narcissism forum.
And, I am struck by one question that may arise in the survivor's journey...
...Is it possible to completely change if one does NOT have the background, or memory, of a happy childhood?
After all, a new and happier life seems to require so many tiny lessons/examples of successful life management, coping, and attitudes.
Can a person really 'overcome' their 'past', even their own mistakes?
Personally, I read recently on CureZone the idea that a 'lost' part of our body continues to exist in our feelings forevermore.
A 'handicapped' person, missing some part since birth, mentioned that they felt just fine, that they don't miss what they never had, that they are quite proud of their accomplishments, as is...just as you and I.
Putting this together with an idea that has been growing in me, for many years, that, in the 'end' we somehow become whole and peaceful, that all our 'obstacles' and questions are resolved, no matter how we have lived; I have aquired the notion that our best and happiest life actually exists, parallel to the one we live day to day. ...That we only need to feel it, to accept it, in moments of quiet.
Perhaps this is a flight of fantasy, I don't know...but it comforts me, and gives me hope...for everyone.
This notion also leads me to believe that the 'troubles' we go through, when changing, are only a result of focussing on the past. ...That we go TOWARD much more when we look ahead. ...That the past is somehow just a constriction of what could have been...and that a better future is ours if we only get out of our own way.
I imagine how I would feel and think and do, waking up in the morning as a different person...one who has only happy memories. Wouldn't I just go out and have a fine day?
I once asked a counsellor, "How does a person get into Box B, when they have never been there and don't know what it is like?"
She said, "Just jump."
At the time, I thought that was a very unsatisfactory answer.
But, isn't that what we do all the time? We have never lived 'today' before. We have no clue what 'today' will be like...or what we will 'do' about it.
Perhaps, if we chose to behave as though life had always been good, as though we had figured it all out, and were wise...maybe we could have that fine day we wish for.
I do know this, for myself, that once I am finished grieving over yesterday, that what I am going TO is far greater than what I leave behind. And that this 'awakening' can come at any moment.
I find this notion quite satisfactory.
F.