Re: Meant to add

Want2, you are so much stronger than you know - you're beginning to feel the outrage of having only been a piece of property to your father and this feeling is powerful, overwhelming, and necessary in the process of healing.

My children may not ever experience that feeling as they are so deeply embroiled in the NPD games. The need for approval is deeply etched into us by the NPD - there is nothing that we can ever do that will satisfy the NPD enough to approve. This was one of the reasons that I began to formulate my escape. I needed approval, just as we all do. But, having our efforts shot down over, and over only reiterated the fact that we were not worthy of nurturing, kindness, comfort, and genuine love.

My ex used to use that "...we are family..." b.s. all of the time, too. Oh, sure - we were family when it suited him. But, I was the one to take both of our children on "family" vacations - he only attended a "vacation" with us once in the nearly 15 years that I was married to him.

There is much work for you to do, Want2. This is the beginning of your emotional healing! I would suggest that you begin a private journal and give it a proper name, like "Sally" or "Fred." Then, address Sally/Fred and write down your hurt, your evaporated fantasies, your disgust, your fury, your hopes, and your acceptance. This is all a greiving process - we are putting to rest something that was the center of our lives. And, everything that you're feeling is normal, natural, and to be encouraged. "On Death and Dying" by whatshername Kubler-Ross is an excellent book that addresses the processes involved in loss. The death of an emotional relationship is no less painful than the physical death of a loved one, and I highly recommend that ANYone who is facing emotional or physical loss read this book from cover to cover.

God bless you on your journey! Please, feel free to email me if you wish.

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