Re: bottled up misery

You have Survived a horrid ordeal and have remained as sane as you are!

Some of the things that helped me to level off and move onward (see previous posts re. ex, kids, etc.) was to understand the following:
a> I am not the only victim in the world - there are others who are suffering greater abuse than I could imagine
b> we don't live in a perfect world. Human beings are flawed and imperfect.
c> becuase human beings are imperfect, some develop into absolutely evil creatures - their desire to inflict pain, misery, and control supercedes empathy, altruistic choices, or simple kindness.
d> the BEST REVENGE that I can have against my former abuser is to life a happy, fullfilling life
e> finally, there will never, ever, ever, EVER be a resolution with an NPD - there is no closure, there is no understanding, there is no accountability, there is no recognition of responsibility, period. I cannot (could not) force these attributes and my "love" for my ex was entirely based upon a fantasy. For me to evolve from victim into Survivor, I had to accept these facts, get involved in personal counseling/therapy, become involved with women's shelters and helping others to Survive, etc.

Today, I'm pretty much whole - I'm taking responsibility for my physical and emotional health. It's not easy - there are days when I digress, to be sure! But, I am happier than I've ever been in my whole life, despite my physical challenges.

God bless you, my dear. This, too, shall pass for you - you are strong enough to recognize your past. Now, look to your future for your Self (your Life's Spark). My most heartfelt best wishes to you.
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