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Re: Protecting you parents = bad idea!
 
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Published: 17 y
 
This is a reply to # 922,011

Re: Protecting you parents = bad idea!


"Oh my god, in what dreamland do you live?"

If you have not been sexually assaulted or endured domestic violence/abuse, say a heartfelt prayer of thanksgiving. Not wanting to bring loved ones (parents, friends, siblings, etc.) into our violence is very, very common. We don't want our parents (in my case) to realize that their child has been horribly damaged by another human being. We often don't speak about what happened because of the long-standing stigma of rape: what did we do to egg him on? How could we have allowed it to happen? Are we SURE that it was rape and not just rough sex? How can a husband rape his own wife? ETC.

The original posting victim doesn't live in a "dreamland." She lives in a space that has been forever altered by a violent, criminal act that was perpetrated against her as a form of control, hatred, and demoralization. Her perceptions of safety, stability, her own sexuality, and self-worth have been horribly fragmented and she will likely require professional help to paste the pieces back together.

Yes, it is unadvisable to keep loved ones in the dark about our victimization - having the support of family is priceless. But, suggesting that this victim is living in a "dreamland" was not very empathetic, supportive, or kind. Rape is a criminal act of violence, not an expression of sexuality. Understanding this simple fact might help in seeing Survival through the eyes of the victim.

Just my 2 cents as a Survivor of violence.
 

 
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