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Re: Why can't I get past two days?
 
lauray Views: 6,403
Published: 14 years ago
 
This is a reply to # 889,545

Re: Why can't I get past two days?


...Hi, I meant to reply to this a while ago. I hope you read this. i REALLY sympathize. I go through the same thing. Do you want to be my fasting buddy? The next fast i am doing I am starting at an odd time so i am embarrassed to name it, but I am fasting beginning at about 3 am tonight, Monday night, and I am fasting for 30 hours, that is, until 9 a.m. Wednesday. This is the fast i am doing next. I have set myself a program of steadily increasing the lengths of my fasts. I completed a 24 hour fast yesterday. i do not overeat between fasts, no matter how frequently I fast. I trust that my body wants to be in a fasting process and does not "need" the food I am missing by fasting and does not need it to be "made up" by eating more than usual between fasts.. also that eating more than usual between fasts frustrates the healing process and is painful and harmful (this is my experience).. I break a fast with 200 calories of raw food only, and wait 4 hours before eating again. Then, as always, I follow a rule of waiting 2 hours to proces every 200 calories of food that I eat. My body (small frame) requires 1200 cals. per day. So after a 600-calorie meal (the maximum meal size; any more is a binge) I would wait 12 hours before eating again. This is sort of my system when not fasting, eat 600 cals. every 12 hours. To make the waiting period exact, I make the second meal of the day 550 cals and wait 11 1/2 hours. Then in a.m. 600 cals. and it takes half an hour to eat and so 12 hours... here is the schedule: breakfast 8 am to 8:30 of 600 cals and then dinner (12 hours after finishing breakfast) of 550 cals from 8:30 to 9 pm. Then wait 11 1/2 hours (as appropriate for 550 cals) after finishing dinner, and eat breakfast 600 cals. at 8:30 am again.... I could do smaller meals throught the day and am considering this since I may not be able to stay with this system once i get back to the States (I am in Europe)... with the little windows in my schedule during which I will probably find i feel too "lonely and deprived" without going into Whole Foods and "scoring" (it truly is a druglike experience, there is no difference at all between this and any other addiction)
... as I write I really am lightened and relieved because I can really examine and detah healthily and critically from this feeling which COMPULSES me to for instance go to Whhole Foods at a time I did not plan to (and get high on food) ... it is the same feeling which wrecks my fasts... it is overwelming and does not allow itself to be criticized. I think I have experienced that when I share the feeling, the "overwhelmead, I am so bored, I am so lonely, there is nothing for me in life, there is no one out there, I have to go and get high on food, there is no alternative, there is NO alternative" feeling, when I tell others about this, I think it goes away especially if I report as I am trying to do now the likely times when it will occur and then i do not feel alone at those times. I know that the forum mI have reported to is actally with me and I am accountable and I matter and people care.


The reason I am talking about all this is it supports my fasting. I limit my eating as above. If I left myself to the devices of my sick, food-addicted system I would just binge contnuously.

Right now, as you can tell from the fact I am eating from 2 am to 3 am tonight, I am not exactly on the 8:30 am and 9 pm eating schedule but I AM which is jsut about the MOST important thing I could ever do besides controlling CONTENT of my diet (I am as of 3 days now newly and for life committed to raw food only and very very soon to LIVING food only (sprouts))... I am, I am saying, actually waitinga 2 hours per 100 calories eaten. This I hav succeeded in briefly in the past and makes me feel so good. I had trouble fasting because I was accustomed to bingeing before a fast but I do not have that trouble now knock wood. I guess the fasting schedule might have knoccked me off the normal eating times but it is ok ... my next ambition is to refrain from eating at abnormal or sleep-disturbing times and NOT eat at 3 am even if I am "entitled" to. This is never good for the body and I will report on my progress on this in my independent posts (posts made to the forum generally and not to a specific person). It is a big challenge but will be easier as my body gets more alkaline and I am not in a constant frenzy of food craving necessitating all these rules... i have shame about the rules, so it is hard.

I really have getting past 2 days, too. I had a big sit-down with myself this week and really faced facts about what I was doing that was getting me in trouble... I would try to start a fast by eating a really big meal, like all my food for the day (though I counted the calories dishonestly, saying it was only about three-quarters of a day's food), early in the morning, so it would be easy to fast at least until the next day. But the next day (you see, I have been having trouble fasting even past one day!) i would just feel lonely, -- I do not work, either -- and bored, and so "empty" and "cold" and I would just feel, "what is the point?" or something like that. i wish I could be more precise at this moment, I need to post independently, just a summary of my message,to you today:

1 - I totally experience the failure to fast because of feelings of bleakness, emptiness, loneliness, boredom, the feelings of there being no alternative to getting high on food and of not wanting to try to engage in life or at least keep faithful to my fast by finding something to distract myself. i totally get it. i go through this, too. I have overcome it in the past and can again with the help of you and this forum.

2 - please see my other posts, i guess,

and 3- please write if you want to be a fasting buddy... as I say, my next fast is 30 hours beginning 3 am tonight Monday July 16 and ending 9 am Wednesday July 18... after that I will fast 36 hours starting a day or two after Wednesday. Then I will fast 42 hours, then 48. Then 54, 60, 72 (=already 3 days). i have to go gradually like this but if I post faithfully I can do it.... I think I had better really make an independent post now since these are the most fasting-supportive and therapeutic and releasing for me. i hope to hear from you,
Love,
Lauray
 

 
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