I am not sure what to say to you. You have experienced so much in your young life. It is sad that you and other children have to be the products of abuse from your parents. My son saw me abused. I do not know but I would not be surprised to find out he thought it was my fault.
Your mom is right, it is her responsibility to keep you as safe as she possibly can. Unfortunately, by keeping you safe, it means to keep you from your dad. Yet, at this time, it is best for you. I pray that you can release the guilt you feel for knowing you are better by not being with your dad. I also pray that you can release the guilt for thinking it is your mom's or your fault for 'sending' your dad away. It truly is not.
She had to leave your dad...for ALL of your safety. If your mom was not around, due to anything your dad may have done, who would have taken care of you and Laura?
You are okay, sweetheart. You are excelling in your life. Way to go on your classes and basketball team! You are the best of the best!
As for feeling guilty about your stepdad, if he is taking care of you, there is no guilt. Please know that. If he is doing what your dad did not, this explains why you feel as if you can call him "daddy". You can continue because your 'father' chose to let you be. As your mom says, when you are 18, you can do what you feel is right for you, until then appreciate that you found a stepdad that cares for you, as if you are his.
Lindsey, I can not say what to do about your dad except that you are NOT the responsible party in this case. Either, wait until you are 18, to 'find' him or let him contact you first, before 18.
Sweetie, you are not a bad person. This you also need to know~!
I am sorry I can not answer about the 'love of your dad', only he can.
I hope this helps you in some way.
OH and as for the other post about your sisters having babies, I really don't think your dad is too concerned. If he were, he would have kept contact with them. He is a grown man!
Please know that you are a very strong young woman, that has excelled against your father's circumstances!