Re: Problem with my son

I did the same thing - I apologized for my part during his childhood. As we all know, sh*t rolls downhill and victimization will be passed on, even though we are fighting against it the entire time. I took responsibility for my actions during the darkest times, even when they were a REaction to my abuser. I never even got near the subject of his forgiving me for my faults, though I told him often enough that I had forgiven him for what he had done, as I'd mentioned. My son may very well hate me and I have no control over that. Whether he does or not is not my business, anymore. He will have to walk the dark path that he's chosen for himself alone - I will not venture there as it's taken too much effort to get where I am, today.

There is nothing else that you CAN say. You cannot control what he thinks or says. The only person that you can control is you. And, you are not responsible for his grudges, hatred, angst, or decisions. He is now an adult and he is going to have to live with whatever choices he makes. You also have choices - you can choose to move your emotional well-being away from negativity and start looking to find serenity within your Self (your Life's Spark), or you can choose to continue allowing another human being to determine whether or not you will have a positive day. The phone counselor sounded like a nutcase, herself. You needed a counselor who specialized in abuse and knew the meaning of "narcissism." And, that your son would use your counselor against you or to try to prove a point is thoroughly inappropriate.

It was very hard for me to turn away from my son - I loved him with all of my heart and only wanted him to evolve into something better than his father was. It didn't happen that way and I've come to terms with that. Today, I'm just fine. You will be just fine, too. Best wishes. Tweet