You are depressed because your life is centered around terror and drama. You are in denial about the abuse that you've endured because it's a NORMAL reaction - we do not want to admit that we've made a serious error in judgement and, in my case, I stayed with my abuser because I wanted desperately to prove everyone wrong about my foolish choice. I was determined to fix things and force it to work.
Have you ever called the police during one of his attacks? Have you ever filed charges? Has he ever been taken away in handcuffs? If not, he feels and truly believes that he is impervious to the Law. Whatever your cultural differences are does not excuse or explain willfully inflicting pain, violence, terror, fear, and despair on another human being. There is no reason or excuse that allows for this type of behavior, EVER.
The emotional attachment that we feel is due to our own fear of risk and the unknown. We don't want to be damaged, but we are terrified that the damage will be even worse when we leave. We fear that we will lose everything. We fear that we'll have to start over. We are afraid that they will follow through with their threats to kill us or "make (us) pay." The "sweet and thoughtful" aspect of this Thing is a show for you - to keep you off balance. The "good times" can never outweigh the damage that he's inflicted on you and your children, if there are any involved.
You are in iminent danger of being killed by someone that you think you love. What you "love" about this monster is what SHOULD have been or COULD have been. My dear sister in Life, he will never stop and you will surely die at the hands of someone that you trusted unless you do something, NOW.
If you have children, pack them up, take ONLY important documents (SSCard, birth certificates, etc.), CLEAN OUT THE JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT, and get to a women's shelter, tonight. Do not tell him that you are leaving. Do not tell ANYone (including family) that you're leaving. Tell nobody. Do not leave your computer behind for him to find out what you've been doing. He WILL find out and he WILL start looking for you.
I cannot stress how much danger you're in. This Thing does not love you. You mean no more to him than a broken wrench and that is exactly how he wants you to be: broken, worthless, hopeless, and helpless. You are more than that to the Human Race. You have value, you have talent, and you are beautiful. Run, sister. Run and be safe.