My dad did the same thing 5 years ago. I am very sorry for you and your family. I have gotten professional help. I have a life coach. She has helped me through this but also other things in my life so I would find someone to talk to if you just want to focus on this issue alone. I suffered Depression for years. I learned to love myself and forgive myself of my mistakes. I've also learned that I'm not in control of things but I am in control of how I handle things. I don't understand life. I don't really even know who God is exactly but I have my own vision. I am not religious, I am spiritual. I just know that I want to live the life my soul intended. We are all here for a reason. I used to say that I would have never chosen to be born because I am so afraid of death and I never want to have to die. But what if I did make that decision somewhere way back, who knows where. This universe is crazy and big and life is weird sometimes. I can't even comprehend it, but as simple as this is, I'm just here and trying to live in the moment, the only way to feel peace, and trust that someone or something else out there, or even myself on a higher level, is smarter than me. ;) Life is our arena. We have so many options and we can do anything we want, no one is better than us. Just my thoughts. Take care guys.