18 Months, 1 Week, and 2 Days Old ... that was how old Nani was on Mother's Day (May 13, 2007) ...
Nani took her LAST precious, snuggling sip at my loving breasts upon the closing of Mother's Day ... before drifting off to sleep in my arms.
She never reached for me again after that night.
How bittersweet ... how fitting ... how perfect ... for a mother to hold her last child in such a way; for a mother to love and let go of her last child in such a way ... as on the Day honoring Mothers.
I am ... sadly rejoicing ... this was the unexpected end of a beautiful, yet challenging, chapter in my life.
I can't describe my feelings ... how could I have known THAT was going to be the last time I held her in that way?
Nani is the one who made this decision on her own ... Nani. My last baby.
I'll never hold another child in such a way again ... in my remaining lifetime ...
(okay, now I'm crying.)
I think this realization hit me real hard ... something about putting down on paper my feelings/thoughts in such a manner pushed me over the edge ... this is really the end of something sacred, something pure, something unique ... wow.
So, Laura, I know that BFing is challenging at best (especially with TWO babies) ... but please, just follow their lead. They will pull away soon enough. *sigh/sniffle*
Anyway, life in Texas has been WET. Rain, rain, rain. My lawn & garden is exquisitely green. The most vibrant green I've ever seen. The downside of all the moisture is the skeeters ... they're plotting to suck us dry. We all have decorated bodies of red, round jewels that itch for attention.
My husband has not changed any of his dangerous health habits. I fear he is diabetic, but he won't test to find out. Says he doesn't want/need to know. He is smoking four packs of cigarettes a day (I know because I'm the one who "makes" them for him - he bought me a manual machine so I can whip them out in lightening speed for him. I'm such a good wife.)He goes through a brand new inhaler every 1.5 weeks ... and uses the nebulizer machine in the evenings. I still worry about him, but I have had to step back and stop "nagging" ... and brace myself for the day when he will really need my support. Does that make sense?
Okay. Enough rambling. I'd lose my mind if I got banned from here.