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Talking, describing, and venting
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Published: 15 years ago
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Talking, describing, and venting

It is so very, very imporant that people talk about their experiences, whether they are present or past.  Describing events and examples of how we were victimized, dehumanized, and abused allows for us to see, in print, what we Survived.  When we offer details, it must be done so with the intent to educate those who still feel that they are "trapped" within an abusive relationship, regardless of whom the abuser might be.  Talking about what we are enduring or have Survived will not only help us to continue our healing processes, but our discussions might also enlighten another victim who is searching for validation of their abuse - "he's such a good man, but he just gets so angry, sometimes."  If someone can identify themselves in the course of reading another individual's experiences, it just might save their lives, too.

Mothers, fathers, siblings, friends, lovers, spouses, coworkers, supervisors, clergy - all of these people have one thing in common:  they can all be abusers and they can all be abusive NPD's.  Their interaction with others determines whether they are sincere in their concerns, or just providing a cover for their core beings.  When we begin reading the experiences of others, the symptoms of abuse become real.  As we're reading these symptoms, we can often apply them to someone within our lives whose treatment of others can be easily defined as abusive.  Once we are aware (either through personal epiphany or repetetive reminders) of the abuse that we are accepting from another individual, it is then our choice as to whether or not we will continue to tolerate such treatment.  We either choose to take the steps to remove ourselves (and, our children) from an abusive environment, or remain and allow the cycle to continue.  If we choose to remain (for whatever reason), our abuse then becomes our responsibility even though the perpetrator is guilty of committing the sins against us.  Yes, it is true that the abuser is inflicting damage, but if we choose to remain, it is we who are making the conscious choice to allow it to continue - period.

Venting is priceless.  Once we have defined the source and type of abuse that we've been tolerating, righteous indignation and outrage is normal and healthy.  The expression of this anger is necessary in the evolution from victim to Survivor.  "Venting" is a term that is applicable to a steam boiler:  too much fuel (intentional damage) has been added to the furnace (our psyche) causing the water (our emotions) to reach a critical level - if the vent valve does not relieve the pressure of the steam (our emotions), the boiler will explode (murder, suicide, child abuse, self-mutilation, etc.). 

Take time to talk, describe, and vent one way or the other - either through internet forum boards like this one, or by talking with a counselor/therapist who specializes in abuse.  Speaking with friends and family may (or, may not) garner us a dose of sympathy, "Oh, you POOR thing!" but the abuse specialist will help a victim to propel themselves beyond the "poor thing" status into, "You are so strong!"  As a former victim, the last thing that I ever want is another person's pity.  I genuinely appreciate their understanding, encouragement, and support, but pity is one thing that is reserved for those who refuse to maintain hope.   There is always hope if we are determined enough to reach for it.


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