Re: pj

Maya,
I suffer from too high of 'expectations'. The cranial sacral person said my cs rhythm kept slipping away from him--that every time he made "contact" I retreated. He said something about 'honoring the fear'. He said at the end he started to see some connection (yea, I finally started falling asleep).

Then the two of them kind of came up with a 'group comment'. That my head and heart are disconnected, thus all the problems with my neck (I actually have a skin irritation at the base of my neck. Of course the cs therapist was a bit'intimidated'? maybe? because my doctor (D.O) gave some suggestions, and said when the energy is flowing through the neck the skin irritation will disappear. And the reflexologist, whose office we used, noticed when I got cold, and "knew" I wouldn't ask, and got me a blanket.

Okay, so they think if I would "speak my truth" more, and 'get out of my head' more....anyway, I felt very "low" when they got done, and I had such "high" hopes.

I know it wasn't a 'waste', and I learned stuff (I think I have abandonment issues" I didn't realize, and also I felt like "how the heck am I ever going to be a healer if I can't HEAL!". Of course, I didn't say the second one. I think I'll try with the two of them one more time....but having the reflexologist work first and get me open and relaxed, and THEN have the cs person. Who knows? Actually, I forgot to tell Justin that I'm being recommended for the cs class to work on (I hope).

Anyway, I survived Christmas. I made a trip to the lawyers office and picked up paperwork, I revived by calling a girlfriend to eat and going swing dancing for an hour.

Maya, I have many concerns right now, and the reflexologist, who has worked on me since Oct. says I am much more 'stable' and that my energy is smoother. The cs therapist hurt my feelings a little--he said maybe having (birthing) 5 children had 'taken it out of me'. Birthing them was nothing compared to trying to 'disrupt' their way of life. I have an "alpha" daughter who is MOST displeased that I am going to divorce her father, and two of my other children are giving me major grief over it. Two are 'undecided', but one gets "ill" (frustrates me because I can't control what kind of crap food is in the house. And then there are all the 'religious' issues.

And I've had 6 hours of dental surgery within a week of each other (the last being last Thursday).

Is my life a bit intense? Yep. And this is what I design and set up?

I hurt my daughters feelings I think, when I told her the book about "how to write poetry' wasn't quite what I wanted. I guess I need to explain that if I don't write, I'll "pop" and that I don't care about the technique, I'm just literally needeing to get it out.

This is long. Guess I needed to 'talk' with someone. You have permission to "move" it to another forum. I'm getting all posting on the 'ask curezone community" and I can't figure out why, so it is sometimes hard to dig through and see where one of MY posts has been answered. Ah, it reflects my life.

And in honor of where it is posted, I will get off right now, get my blackstrap molasses, etc, and drink.

looking forward still to the calm after the storm,
and to a new year of dreams and hopes,
pj
(and an aching left kidney--guess I DO need to drink)
pj

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