Molly bloom!
I know this relationship is toxic...you don't know how many times I told myself that! At this point I am working on friendship, not for him , but for me and my two boys....that you are right...I do feel that is necessary. I have a lot to work on for me. What I am struggling with most recently is the fact that I do and want a healthy relationship in the future. I have been implementing that now even with him , but also know at the same time that it may never work, therefore the friendship portion ....at times I feel like this as you put it is a big ass game and so what way is it I should handle this best?