I am not sure if your post is responding directly to me now or is just a generalized statement for others as they come in here and read the thread. Especially the first sentence. Also in your post, you keep mentioning spousal relationships and nowhere in my post did I mention I had a spouse. I spoke of a friendship(s). Not sure if you are relating what I was saying to your experience or what. So I feel the need to clarify those points.
Again I say, I have done a lot of inner work. I will most likely do more. I think doing inner work has helped in many ways and in many ways it's like learning good manners. I now am more polished than the average person because I practice good manners. However, that also sets me up to notice when others dont have manners. Just like in relationships, I caring and honest communication instead of silence and withdrawal when a topic gets uncomfortable. I believe speaking my heart should be safe without judgment or micro-analysis of what I say. I notice when my friends and acquaintances opt for the LOW road. Oh well, that's their choice. Just dont expect me to NOT notice it! And dont expect me to keep quiet about it when the behavior continues. If it isnt working for me, I will speak up. And I believe THAT is the healthiest way to clear the air. It doesnt have to be ugly, and can be quite a connecting experience. But, just dont think the majority of people are interested in getting that deep in their relationships. They prefer to "keep it smooth". Well, guess what. Eventually all that NOT talked about stuff comes out in other ways. Ridiculous "you left the cap off the toothpaste" kinds of ways. So I say deal with it in time, in love.