Insomnia issues: anyone overcome major longstanding insomnia?(l o n g !)

Everyone needs HOPE. Many people are wise and have advice and that is always appreciated. But someone who has been through it and survived it, become wiser, and is willing to share, they offer something priceless: HOPE. Other's have great knowledge and understanding of the human body and it's systems, their advice is valuable as well. I never discount it. I need both, but hope that it can be overcome--I need that the most.



I suffer from depression, and it cycles. In one doctor's opinion, I am NOT manic. In my own heart, if it is mania, then my first 38 years of life, when I and all those around me thought I was a normal, healthy person, I was on one loooonnnngggg manic episode that lasted 38 years. So, I'd like to not go there, if you don't mind.

What gives me hope is people I've "met" here on curezone that have overcome depression, although everyone has their own path to take, just knowing someone made the journey is vital, at least to me, of holding on. There's Hanna, Marywithabow, Finallyfaith, Unyquity, Trapper/KCMO, and that's just a few. I watch their posts, and they give me HOPE.

Now I need the same for insomnia. I've always had trouble sleeping. The night before the first day of school was always hellish for me--I wanted so badly to sleep,and the more I wanted it, the harder it was. On the other hand, I loved to sleep and dream as a child. But if I had a worry or concern, there were long, lonely nights, that sleep evaded me. Or if I had something I was looking forward to and excited about, the same could happen. I used to play a game with my little sister, we shared a bed. We would squeeze each others hand to see who was the last to be awake. I invented the game--probably trying to get her to keep me company. I always won. sigh.

Okay, that's the background. When all hell broke loose after the birth of my fifth child when everything magnified(he's 12). I'd had trouble in the past after babies, taken ambien or whatever (didn't know any better) but this time it got out of control. Doc prescribed Zoloft for those "I'm not feeling right" feelings after the baby. I was pretty naive and trusting, and things were NOT right.(long story). Cause and effect don't matter than much, but the end result was 40 nights of not sleeping, I demanded sleep medication at the six(7) week check up from the OB(we didn't even discuss the zoloft, and my best guess now was that it was a Zoloft induced mania, yea, after 40 days of not sleeping (and we are talking 0 - 3 hours a nite max)I'd probably passed mania and was close to psychotic. I know I shouldn't keep reliving this, but, the doctor had an important meeting(he was president of something or other) and I said I wasn't leaving until I had SOMETHING to help me sleep (I'd scheduled the last apt. so my husband could be there, and had my oldest son with me because I knew I wasn't entirely safe driving--so even severly sleep deprived I was trying to take precautions. My hubby was embarrassed that I wouldn't let the doctor leave (he said I needed a psychiatrist,a nd I said that could take weeks and I needed to sleep NOW) and for some reason (hey, I was pretty out of it) he asked if I was contemplating suicide. That caught me so out of the blue, that I jeeringly grabbed the lovely ink pen off his desk, jabbed it at my wrist and said, you mean like Kill myself? (the thought had never BEFORE crossed my mind)
Anyway, he called the police, and I spent 21 days in a psych ward. Guess what--they never dealt with the sleep issue either. I get pretty bitter at this point, so we'll let that one go. It was an eventful 21 days. A turning point. I got out barely alive, bought a wheat grinder and a bread machine that day, never filled the prescription,(my husband almost turned the car around and took me back to the psych ward when I told him I'd finally started spitting the meds down the toilet a week before because they were killing me) started learning about heatlh and nutrition (as much as I could with a new baby and I homeschooled the other 4), , relactacted the baby, got back to sleeping as much as you can with a new baby, but it was too little too late. About 4 to 6 weeks later, the first Depression hit, and I KNEW what it meant to be suicidal for the first time. Of course by then, I'm terrified of doctors, and the trust between my husband and I has been shattered.

Sorry for the long story, and I'll probably get called on not "letting it go" etc. But that's pretty much the facts. To make this long story shorter, the last few years I finally started keeping a bit of a health journal. For years it was mostly just the hellish depression, dispersed by times I'd be more like my "old self". Many of the years are a blur--. But for the last 3 years I've finally noticed this pattern....I'll be deeply depressed, then it will 'blah' out to just grey, then I'll marshall my energy, try something new (which usually involved giving up something, white Sugar and flour, dairy, adding aminos, herbs supplements) something would SHIFT in my head, I'd be okay, try to "make up" for the down time, get overwhelmed and anxious, then the sleep patterns would disrupt, have insomnia for 3 to 4 monthe (severe) then finally start sleeping, yet fall back into depression. The last three times, (over like a 3 year period) as soon as I noticed a "shift" in my outlook on life to positive(I wanted to be alive) the insomnia started within a week. I know. The pattern may have been there before, I'm not sure. I started feeling a mental shift about two weeks ago, nothing real big, and I was still feeling crappy now and then, still fatigued, realized that all the suicidal thoughts had vanished, was tickled, and Wednesday I started having sleep problems.

I'd promised to email my 'new' doctor (I was pressured by a church therapist to get one, my deep Depression and refusal to get medication was driving him nuts) on Tuesday that I would contact him if I stopped sleeping, and the rest of the story-I'll clip from the email I wrote him. I'll add it, and his response, and end it, and see if I can catch an hour or two before daylight comes.
Dear Dr. J.,
It's the fourth night that I've had a poor nights sleep, so I thought
I'd better write.

Briefly, on Wednesday/Thursday am I woke up at 1:45, when I didn't get
back to sleep by 2:30, I panicked, and ALMOST go back to sleep when
one of my daughters got up at 4 am. Never got back to sleep. Felt
guilty I hadn' t ordered the l-theanine yet. Couldn't quiet my mind.
Didn't tell my husband, but managed to have a disagreement with him
and got my feelings hurt.(Hey, at least I have feelings)

Next night, same scenario, worrying about things and husband. No
problem falling asleep, did order l-theanine, then had trouble after 2
am with fitful sleep. Did get an hours nap in so I could go out that
night.

Friday night, stupidity. Went dancing at Arthur Murry's with my
daughter, didn't get to bed till 1 am, woke up at 5 am, as did some of
the household. Did take l-theanine that night as well as first DMSA
dose for heavy metal test.

This morning: last night I got to bed by 9:30(I was exhausted) but
woke up at 2:45. Again, panicked "I can't do this again". Two
philosophies: one get up, other stay and lay still for circadian
rhythms. I laid there till 6 am ,(listened to meditation cd, no luck)
and finaly gave up. Worrying. Noisy mind.

Read a page on insomia in one of my books. I have on hand but have not taken:
trytophan, inostol (sp?) melatonin, B-12 liquid complex, powdered
valarian, and . probably a bunch of other things too (fish oil, flax,
etc) I ordered a sleep formula "just in case' with hops and chamomile.
Haven't changed anything else in diet, except eating more sprouts. :-)

My first thought was this isn't a problem yet, don't bother Dr. J,
but then that's what I have thought in the past. I see the acupunturist
on Tuesday, and I'll tell her. Also, my knee and back are hurting.
(chicken and egg thing) I know she can help with the pain. I'm
surprised--it is usually several weeks of insomnia before I start
hurting.

My questions: will this affect the heavy metal/challange test I'm
taking (will have taken by the time you get this) Monday am.?

Should I take anything besides the 200mg of l-theanine?

Do you have any other suggestions?

I hopeful ithis is just a temporary thing, and if I quit worrying
about sleeping, I'll start sleeping. It's my bladder that wakes me, I
think. Anyway, I said I'd email you if I had sleep problems, so I
did.

and his reply
See if the accupuncture rx helps. The heavy metals test is o:k;. You can
try 300 mg of L-theanine with 100 to 200 mg of 5 HTP. We will order some
cream of the 5 HTp next weak but you can find it in the health food stores.
Try this and see. If it is very bad let me call in a sleep medicine for a
few nights. Dr. J

Everything in me says "DON"T DO A SLEEP MEDICATION" It was "helpful" drugs and doctors that got you into this in the first place(I didn't even tell you the nightmare of the birth) So last night I, exhausted, went to bed at 8 pm (I had hit the wall). I woke up at 12 to pee, and was SURE I could get back to sleep. I did finger holds, listened to sleep music, took tryptophan, more theanine,I think a digestive enzyme, some milk thistle, half an alka seltzer, and an amino blend with gaba etc) Then the knee and back started hurting, the mind started jumping to problems, and I finally thought "to heck with it. I'm still awake, lying here isn't working, I'll go post it on curezone and send it with a prayer that someone out there has an answer, or like I said, even more importantly, can offer me HOPE.

with love,
I like myself again now,(that's part of the 'shift' so I'm pretty sure it's a chemical thing as well as mental/emotional) so I'm going to go back to posting pjangel instead of my number)
pj





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