Beginning Day 2, not feeling bad

Hi all,

As my pen name suggests, I do not have a scale. I will be doing this for how it feels and how it looks (to me), not for the specific poundage. Initially, I'm shooting for 5 days, but would love to do 10. Today is day 2 of 5 or 10. My plan is to fast in 10 day increments, with 5 days of eating small amounts in between. I'd like to try to reprogram my body to move to smaller sizes. God willing this will work.

The day before yesterday, I was terrified. I was about to begin what society tells us we should not do - starve, not eat. Yet, for me, it seems the only thing I have left to try for possible weight loss.

I am a 5'7" woman at 36 and approximately 190 pounds; I do not overeat and I do exercise consistantly and well. I have tried every diet out there. I have gone to numerous doctors, even the heads of endocrynology at a hospital. All of them say, essentially, "yes, thin is better; you should be a very unhealthy person at your weight, but your stats say you're a 21 year old long distance runner; it must be what you're eating; it must be lack of exercise; it must be SOMETHING you're doing/not doing." I have had DIET doctors stare at me shocked after months of supervised diet and exercise where I GAINED weight - and not just muscle.

The endocrynologist suggested laughingly that I fast indefinitely. He said it was the only thing that would work. I was shocked, since all media tell us that NOT eating is REALLY BAD - SICK (in the head)....He said (and he's Jewish), "well, eventually all the Jews in the Nazi camps lost weight. You think you'd be different? I don't think so." Seriously, he really said this!

So I have continued to struggle and feel very bad about myself. Feel very bad indeed, as I watch my body expand for (literally) no known reason that all doctors, even diet doctors, cannot explain.

Then, two days ago, I decided, after realizing that my suit size was now 18, where it had been 6 or 8, and I decided this is it. NO MORE FOOD for a while. I figured I try the endocrynologist's suggestion.

And I found this forum. I've been reading through the 135 pages of posts slowly. Two days ago, I actually fasted for the day, but then my husband and I were scheduled at a big dinner and I ate - more to make everyone else comfortable, as opposed to what I wanted to do.

Yesterday I started the fast. My husband is a bit worried. I tend to have a compulsive personality, and we've never known anyone who fasted who wasn't an anorexic - and we don't know any of those, we just see one or two women once in a while who look aweful like that.

Yesterday wasn't too bad. I kept to water, apple cider vinegar, tea with lemon, and one can of low sodium beef broth. After about 5 pm, I was getting hunger pangs, but I was also beginning to feel clarity. Anyone who used to be a smoker (I quit 10 months ago) and quit would know what I mean. I felt that "oh my gosh" of the oncoming clarity in the brain as the clutches of addiction go away and you can see beyond the chemical bondage.

Today is day 2 on the fast. I'm going to try to do today what I did yesterday. And I'm going to only do the walking that I do, not try to push myself to "set aside" exercise.

Thanks if you've read to the bottom of this.

God Bless,
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