p.s. I am not a saved christian. The only one who can save you is yourself. Your in control. Never forget that.
You will not die soon. As long as your passionate about living life, you will not die. You only die when your ready to.
Good luck! And try to stay positive. Say to yourself "I am getting healthier and feeling better everyday." The body believes what you tell it. Every read The Hidden Messages In Water? Awesome book. Gives proof that water responds to what you think or say. Guess what? We are at least 70% water.
So stop going in circles, if you continue to think negatively you will continue to feel negative.
I know, your saying that it's too hard, this is just how you feel. One step in the right direction will bring you further to your goal.
btw, negative thoughts are a sign of an imbalanced body. I used to have horrible OCD, you couldn't even imagine the torture of my obsessive thoughts. But it's all gone now. I am a very happy person. All it took was a change in diet and some cleansing.
All dis-ease(every little discomfort you feel including emotional problems)is a result of cellular malfuntion, caused by what we put in our body and what we don't. People are putting in all kinds of toxins and not supplying their bodies with the proper nourishment. So we begin to break apart, and all kinds of symptoms manifest in order to get you to start making some changes.
If you do the right things(put in the good stuff, keep out the bad)you will be rewarded with a perfectly functioning body!