What you have discovered gives you the opportunity to move away from what is happening. The most effective way of changing, if you wish is to, is to change from within by noticing patterns of emotions and wanting to shift. Start by writing these down once you start you wont be able to stop and believe me you maybe on the brink of something big (which is why at one level you should be thankful to your mother for providing you with the necessary input to effect change)
Once you start by unravelling these patterns and relationships and your feelings you will have the opportunity for complete transformation internally by in effect reprogramming your thoughts and beliefs. You will then realize that what your parents have done is not their fault because they are acting as they themselves have been taught by their parents and you have the opportunity to end the cycle, which is really fantastic, what you will be giving yourself is is a chance to start again. Without understanding and forgiveness you will be stuck in the emotional rinse.
Pain provokes emotional reaction sadness or anger, then understanding and then forgiveness.
You have such a major opportunity to change this is very exciting
My thoughts - channel that anger to paper, over and over, be upet cry for self, release emotions, you deserved better, at one level there is no excuse, their behaviour is awful then take it all one stage further