Re: Patterns in relationships - need advice

Sorry, I never finished my last answer, the problems lie in self esteem.
Route 1, if you are able revisit mentally your childhood do so.
You are keen to punish others you "love" by denying them intimate attention, indicating that deep down you feel bad about yourself, in affect you are punishing yourself. Putting on weight in this context, is a sign of covering up emotions. In time if you can spend time alone or with a patient/understanding partner this will help.
Whatever you experience it is always beneficial if you able to see patterns and are able to address the bigger picture.
It appears that you are becoming aware and you are not far away from inner freedom, the root of true love
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