Autumn;

Here's my 5 am musings. Not a good nights sleep. Can you relate? I know our circumstances seem so different; but....for what it's worth, just wrote it. Too sleepy to think much about it; but wanted/needed to share.

If the squeaky wheel
gets the grease,
and I have been the shortening;
the can is empty
How ironic,
you tease I keep so many “oils’
around the house;
and I feel so
“dry” in such need of richness,
lost in the maze of busy-ness;
wondering why
frustration grows, discontent, stickiness everywhere;
when I need the rich oils of life;
quietness, nature, deep coolness of earth;
then, the squeaky wheel screams again
for my attention;
and so rude, self centered, destructive,
the wheel seems to say.
Aren’t you going to get me rolling?
WHAT is YOUR problem?


Excuse me;, this shortening can
is only short changing you;
until I change me,
and move to thick, real oils
that stretch my soul, and
don’t shorten anything
I can’t grease you anymore.
I so hard tried to make your life easier,
and you took it for granted.
then I started creaking
and everyone exclaimed;
selfish ole wheel,
silly ole wheel,
you are just fine.
But I’m not;
I shorted out.
And now it is time
to replenish
with good, rich oil,
and good rich soil,
and walks, and talks,
and tender moments with friends,
old and new.

If you are too driven,
because you haven’t traveled far enough,
and it seems just when you need grease the most;
you ‘grease can’ is empty….well…
I’m so sorry.
You will have to take care of your own oil supply
for now.
The disservice, I thought was service,
is done for now,
if only I can break the habit.
I care, but now, I realize,
perhaps I was unwise to let my oil supply dwindle;
my lamp could no longer be lit.

It is a struggle;
I jump from oiling squeaky wheels,
to filling lamps with oil,
because I am a light
in such pain
because she got confused
and thought she was simply
an oil can,
needed to grease squeaky wheels.


pj January 22, 2006
5 am
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