Re: hiya Autumn

Hey, remember I jumped in my first time and told you to change your name!
Actually, I printed out one of your advices, and carried it for a day or two. It was good to know someone cared.

I'm not sure where I am right now. I assumed with much of this settled, I would start sleeping better, but not yet. I guess it is a matter of being patient with myself. I know I must be patient with him, but it is harder to be patient with myself.

So, I appreciate all your advice. I almost 'lost' my best counselor....he is a counselor by 'avocation', not professionally, and he has 'been there for me' for almost 12 years. His focus has been trying to see and accept myself as a wonderful child of God for all that time, and getting me through all the scraps that entails. I'd call, crying, and he would take me, often scripturally, back to the main point. God love me. I'm wonderful. And then I'd go "but". Talk about patience. He and his wife lost and child and through that journey, came to learn a great deal. I've been to professional shrinks, and to psychologists, and to therapists, my 'counselor' (I'll call him Brother D) is the best. But he started doubting himself in all this, and it shook me up. (It was when I said I felt like running the car into a tree. I was so frustrated with my husband. I almost lost the best counselor I ever had--but it was a good thing. I had to figure out how to get out from the 'rock and the hard spot'--I came up with a plan, and he was there, even if via phone, when we met, and he kept the focus on my health; mental and physical.

So, the point of this--please don't discount your advice. It was needed. I don't pay Brother D, he still supports a family, and sometimes I need a feminine viewpoint. I think you are a very wise person. I like your advice; and it meant a lot to me. The 'friendships' I have here mean a lot to me. It is about sharing our wisdom--we have gained something on the journey, and it feels good to share. And it is wonderful to know people care. That's what it's all about (okay, so it sounds like I need a line in there...you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself about ;-)

Bro. D. says one of my problems is integrating my life. I 'bleed' here, and to him, but I put on a good face everywhere else. Horrors--he said if I feel terrible, I shouldn't try to 'fake it'. You know, let everyone think I'm just DANDY. I don't know about that yet. He is right about integrating myself--I often feel like I live several lives, and I talk to these friends about this,and these about that, but I can't just be open and honest about who I am. Funny, and I'm so open here on curezone. Well, sometimes I get nervous and use my number.

Autumn, were you were saying you don't have time to read these long posts? I have to learn to 'check' my communication.

I think I'm ready to visit flylady, with a controlled visit. I have been given temporary custody of the masterbedroom, complete with bathroom (tiny) for the next while, until I get a good chunk of normal sleep under my belt, and said room hasn't been clean for THREE years. My hubby has this 'common areas' first philosophy and I never get to putting away MY stuff, and it is piled up horribly.(I'll get out of the habit of blaming him eventually, but it is weird--he is SO focused, he gets to his stuff, whereas I'm pulled off by children, phones, his demands....) I'm really excited to get a chance to prove, just to myself, that I am not a slob, and given some help (flylady I hope) I can manage not overwhelm myself, but create a bit of order in my soon not to be frantic life. (if we could keep it down to one crisis every other day, I could settle for that--and I'm not kidding. yesterday 17 year had another...sigh)

Look forward to hearing from you. I put our 'number friend' on a prayer roll last night--it's interesting how much one comes to care about everyone here. I called him that, my number friend. I don't think anyone looks at the papers--it would be humorous when they read 'my curezone friends' or 'my number friend'. If he reads this, know we send our prayers out to you. Hold on, the light will come. For all of us.

take care all,
pj Tweet