home again....added to

Had to return...though I put it off and off...stopped in a bookstore and read...ate a cup of soup....pulled in, came upstair....

him "Hi, welcome home"
me "Hi"
him "So, did it do any good?"
me (nonplussed, if thats the right use of the word, slightly odd look on my face, because the question seemed so....odd itself, knowing what I went through will there) "um, it was a very unstressful place."

pretty much end of conversation....."I got to bed pretty early there, I guess I'll get ready for bed now".

not much. sigh. and I have a plan....formed there....and he ain't gonna like it....
I hate to post it, cause it sounds like "tough love". sigh. I sent a copy to my counslor buddy, and he is going to help me try to soften it up. He pointed out I'd never get the first three sentences of my "plan" out before my husband blew, and urged me to think WHO could arbitrate. We have a visit scheduled with an eclesiatic leader on Wednesday nite....my hubby thinks it is in lieu of said counselors prior request I visit with a psychiatrist (I talked him out of that one by haveing a 'plan' to deal with the marraige/sleep difficulties. My husband has NO idea I'm going to make some pretty aggressive requests.

Heading to bed, tired ...
pj

Two nights home, no good sleep yet. Adrenals are having that "fight or flight" reaction. Physical pain is fluctuating from okay to "BIG OUCHES". I am asking the religious leader to mediate some changes 1) help home feel like a safe place so I can work on my health issues 2) then we work on the marriage.

Pray for me and my husband, and our family. He thinks everything is going okay, and just expects I'll either crash back into Depression (that's the usual cycle) or whatever. He keeps distracted by things breaking, while I keep wondering when he'll notice that I'm in danger of breaking healthwise (mentally and physically) as well as is the marraige. I pray A LOT, and lots of soaking in tub. It will all work out somehow. and I'm trying to "let go and let God" while doing all I can. No stress here lol....

I went to a sound meditation last night....it pulled sobs out of me....(although I creid quietly). I felt some physical pain relief, but I just take it all back on this morning. Of course if I'd slept even as well as usual (I'm up to about 4 hours) I'd be feeling better than I do right now. I'm open to suggestions.

Pj
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