Thanks Autumn, you are very reassuring....

You nailed it, we nailed it, right on the head....

I just got a Christmas card....and the friend said her husband had retired....and of course, we haven't saved anything for retirement. I'm just ready to start living.

Last night was an example of what you said....I got flustered/frustrated and met the gang late for dinner. I'd picked the spot--someplace inexpensive. They had some chips and salsa still left, so I was standing there eating the leftovers....we were to meet one of my daughters friends in 25 minutes, it was about 10 minute drive to see her friend/family friend. So, my husband says, "Isn't it about time to go?" And my 20 year old daughter says "your done, right Mom?" as she starts to grab the tray to throw in the garbage. I just said, "Obviously YOU think so. I'll meet you there, probably!" and took off. They got there ten minutes after me. Oh, they had to all stop and use the restroom. But I have trained them so well--Mom doesn't count and doesn't deserve respect.

The good news is: I DO count. I will NO longer be walked on. And I'm worth something. I've been killing myself looking for a car (one blew up 3 weeks ago) in the $2000 range....so as to not pile up the credit debt. But my hubby wreaked his truck and my son and I found him one for #4,500--he had to have one 'nice' enough...none of the ones I found cheaper would 'do'. And it HAD to be a truck--gas mileage be damned. Okay, I'm worth as much as he, whether I work or not. Today I'm looking at a car....it's a 98, and it's what I want, and I have stressed out trying to find one acceptable....to me...so, hey, I'm going to buy one that I WON"T worry about falling apart. And I'm worth as much as he is. I guess since I've always "done without" a nd sacrificed everything for my children....sigh. Hey, I'm sorry about the debt load, but if I like this car, I'm buying it. Most men would be thrilled to have a wife happy/excited to buy a "new" car at that little. Usually my cars are in the $700 to $1700 range, and my husbands a bit better. For awhile, my daughter was driving the newest car of the bunch, and I was driving the older car. Not this time. I was looking forward to driving that one, but she got in a wreak. So, why is my back aching while I'm saying all this?

I'll go to that website as soon as I survive Christmas, okay? Remind me. I haven't got my presents made--I bought picture frames at the thrift store...now I have to put the poems in them. Here's the one I'm going to make for my husband Autumn. I wrote it in 1998, at a retreat and after a butterfly sat on my sweater, over my heart, and kept me company for 30 minutes (I thought he was frozen, but he wasn't. It was really an awesome experience--it's a long story) here it is:

Butterfly wife,
fragile wings.
No matter how gently
You hold my wings
I become helpless.
If I fight you
to be free
they will tear.
And then I'll stay,
but wounded,
unable to fly.

Butterfly mom
Wishes she were pteradactyl Mom
So she could carry her children
On her wings,
teaching them to soar.
But she's only a butterfly mom,
Showing them the way.

Butterfly friend,
Wants to be eagle friend
Strong, majestic, reaching mountaintops
leading others to the heights.
But she's only a butterfly friend...
Sipping sweet flowers,
inviting you to join.

by
P.J.
(copyright) January 98

I shared that with him--this year I post it. Kinko's here I come
later
pj
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