Challange....help please ;-)

Without going into( too many) details, my counselor of 12 years has given me this challange... (well, he's given me lots, but here's one of the toughtest)

"You must learn not to react to ANYTHING your husband says. You must be so secure in your self worth and value that he can not hurt you--you will have taken that power away. Then YOU will choose your actions...."

Okay, I can center and deal with almost everyone else....my kids (from 11 to 24),(opps, only 5) rude people, sick people, annoying people.....BECAUSE USUALLY MOST PEOPLE I MEET LIKE ME AND I LOVE PEOPLE AND SPENDING TIME TALKING EVEN TO STRANGERS IS DELIGHTFUL. It's so sad....when it's my husband, it isn't fun anymore. Oh, just so you know....the marriage IS staying together, at least for 7 years....and I'm thinking it might heal IF I can learn to do what I'm asking about....

However, after 26 years of bad communication, and love 'getting lost in the dishes that are left undone" (that's a song) and me learning SO much--my counselor finally told me--"you thought if you were 'perfect' enough you could fix/save/make the marriage work. Your success in mortality does not depend on how your husband (and I imagine anyone else either) percieves you. The truth is you are wonderful and you deserve to be happy. " and i"m adding this part--don't let your husband spoil your happiness.

So guys, HOW do I NOT REACT? He knows all my weak spots (I'm not a great housekeeper, (imagine 12 years of severe Depression and raising 5 kids--it's a bit piled up, and it bugs me too) so he hits that one first when we fight....um....I'm scared of anger ....so he uses that one.....he says dumb things like "you always...or 'your never'''and then I'm foolish enough to get 'dragged into' a confrontation explaining that simply isn't true--semantically if nothing else....I am physically and emotionally exhausted and don't have the energy to 'fix' him, teach him, etc. Seriously--I started a bout of insomnia on or about Oct. 1, and it hasn't ended yet. So I DON"T have the energy...maybe my body is going to help me figure out that no matter how strong my mind is, my will is.....I HAVE to LET IT GO>...hmmmm....okay, so I gave myself some insight.....but I would still like to know.....

HOw do any of you NOT REACT when it is someone you are tied to at the core, and they either say or do thoughtless, inconsidereate, and sometimes even downright blatently unkind stuff (I'd be specific, but that starts hurting my neck and back, and that would 'waste' my acupuncture treatment I got yesterday for stress and insomnia.....lol kinda....) Oh, any advice for terminating spouse, as in post below, is NOT appreciated. Just simply, how do you get to the point where you can't be hurt by those you love....that you can NOT REACT, but always CHOOSE your actions. I REALLY am working on this....I seem to be able to apply it with so many others....but those we care about the most SEEM to be able to hurt us the most, and I HAVE to break free of that. I WANT to be free....oh good, I'm singing "born free, as free as the wind blows...." that's what I'm looking for. I KNEW I couldn't this short.

Thanks!
peace and joy, just around the corner!
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