Gosh, you not only answered my post, and that rarely happens, but you actually thought about this, which happens even less.
In fact, obviously you thought all this out a LOT before me and my fever started talking. Now I'm embarrassed reading all that stuff that I wrote at you. What a fluffy thing to do, giving you advice.
Gosh. New baby! Congratulations! Now THAT is an intense experience, and that sure shifts the lever on the planet. That's the natural center of it all. It's a huge change for an individual or a couple for sure. And yup, the child comes first, and whatever provides the best growing experience.
I wonder whether, in general, this wonderful lady just doesn't feel good, plain and simple. Now don't go and quote me. ("Oh honey? This delirious person at Cure Zone says you don't feel good.") She sure has a lot of assets and wonderful points, huh? Rapport with kids including her own, rapport with animals, affinity with the land in sun/water places like CA and HI. Those are excellent ingredients.
Since I myself am steeping like a tea bag in a maelstrom of questions and fears about the meaning of my own life and what the heck to do about it, maybe the most useful thing to do is just look forward to your next installment and send lots of good wishes.
And sure, take it slow and rest up from that flu. It's easy for me to sit here on a soft chair and say take it easy, but even saying it from a hard rickety chair it's still true: you and she are going through such big changes evolving from a 2 family to a 3, I sure hope things settle for ya. And say, here's a totally off the wall idea: because you'e so busy and have so much going on, you might log on to http://www.flylady.net some time. I log in every day and always learn something. At first you'll look at that wacky site and say What?? but she grows on people and she has sure helped me one baby step at a time.