I don't think you're confused at all. I think you know exactly what is going on. You have this pattern of being angry and then defending him when everyone tells you to dump the bastard.
Either you just like the drama of the crappy relationship or you just want something to keep posting about.
You have recieved numerous posts containing good advice, yet you refuse to take it. How can you keep asking for more and more advice about all the same problems if you're not willing to take the steps to improve your situation?
The bottom line is... If you marry this guy you will have a miserable marriage. He does not love you the way you want to be loved and you know it.