What do i do??

Ive been in alot of nowhere relationships- long term and not.When i met my boyfriend 5 years ago i knew he was the one.We connected.We had fun and ive never had someone shower me with so much aaffection.But i have always had a problem staying faithful.Although ive never had affairs of the heart, i slept around even on this guy.Although he'll never know for sure that i slept around, he has seen me do alot of disrespectful things.This of course caused him to distrust and resent me big time.Every arguement has no end because he throws up things from the past.he justifies his actions by mine.When i calmed down 2 years ago at 23 years old, it seemed to late.He'd disappear for weeks without a trace, no calls like i meant nothing.Im jealous too so it makes it hard.Although im sure hes not sleeping around, i hate that he gives girls the sweet voice he gives me.His disinterest in me has my self esteem low, which causes more jealousy on my end, so we rarely enjoy each others company.when its good its good though- usually after we've been apart on a "break".But we can no longer stay together for long...and we can't fix our issues cause its an endless "but you did this".i love him so much.And i know i hurt him.Ive been apologizing for years.I told him tonight that our 5 year anniversary is next week and i want a commitment or i cant go on.Well you know what he said.It became fullblown and ended with me putting him out on the side of the road.Im so hurt, and i know he is too.My question is, is it healthy to be in a long term relationship when its going nowhere, even if you love each other? and is it possible for him to get over the past and find the passion we had before i started screwing up or will he hate me forever for it? Tweet