Please consider how things are hurting your children right now. OFten the idea of stick with it untuil they are adults is very wrong. COnsider how seeing the abuse has effected you. And that effect goes beyond just relationships. For that reason I would not advise having an affair with your friend. Instead, consider going to therapy alone and concentrating on yourself. Really look at how you are living and how that effects you. Also consider your children and how you relate to them. The last thing you need is another complication. Look at it this way. You are used to being subordinate in the relationship, to your own damage. Going into another relationship carries the likelyhood that you will repeat your pattern. Instead, talk to her about your needing to work on yourself. Let her know that you want a true relationship with equality for both persons. Taking care of yourself is the way to do this. BTW, you are a wonderful loving person who deserves a good life!!