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1,623
Published:
20 y
unsure about marriage because of another girl
This is long, and if you don't have anything productive to say, please don't respond.
I am 25 and have been with a girl for 4 years almost. We are set to get married in August. Things have been pretty good for a while. I met her friend, call her Mary, about 3 months ago, and found extreme emotional interest in her (trust me, my soon-to-be-wife(stbw from now on) is extremely attractive...i have no reason to leave her for that). So I told my stbw that I thought we had personality clashes, and that I wasn't sure about everything. She was upset, and very sad, but we got over it, and I just assumed I was being idiotic. A couple months later, my stbw and her friends, including "Mary", visited me where I go to college(still there getting advanced degree). Two nights in a row I got a chance to talk to Mary alone, and realized that I was very much in love with her personality, and started to realize that my stbw was very overwhelming, emotionally extreme, and very often tense and over anxious about many things in her life. It had only been a minor problem before I met Mary. Now it seems a huge problem, because I can't stop thinking about her. The extreme tension of my stbw seems to have become prominent in my deciding that I don't know if I can stay with her. I've told my stbw about the problem, and I'm in the middle of figuring it all out. I don't know if my emotions for Mary should mean this much, especially given I'm supposed to be getting married in 3 months. Are these emotions normal? If the problems that are bothering me with my stbw were started because of another girl, should that be any reason to call off the wedding? I'm very lost and confused, and we are both suffering because of it. Any advice or further questioning is appreciated.