Hmmm, I just ended an affair I was having with a man whose wife did the same thing. I want him to be happy, so I tried to get him to talk to her about it. They have been married for 10 years and he will not talk to his wife about it. He says that it has been going on so long that there is no way it will change. Whatever route you take with your wife, do it now! Don't let this happen to you! He was miserable. He really did love her, but he was just so lonely. Everyone NEEDS physical intimacy. I would never have been with a married man if I had not been desperately lonely. I know that this is not the right attitude to have, but it is just the plain, simple truth--there are too many lonely people in the world for someone to be uncaring of their partner's happiness. Now, if she isn't the uncaring type, then something else is going on. I am wondering about the hand-washing thing. Do you think she sees sex as dirty or unclean? I really think the hand-washing is unusual. I hope I have helped you a little bit. Sorry so long!!