That is quite an experience you had. I hope things are good now. I couldn't imagine how I would cope if my brother passed away. I guess you just do.
Regarding the termination, I know I moved on and just dealt with it without thinking (purposely). It brought so many questions to me that I couldn't risk facing at that time. Now it is with me always... I was touched by the miracle of conceiving and not being able to carry out the pregnancy and know this beautiful baby girl I believe I was carrying hurts a lot. I feel she is always there, trapped, and I somehow hold on to the belief that when I do have children, she will be reborn. Selfish and strange I think. Not sure.. but I feel a warmth and a bond with something that will never be.