Wow, sounds really hard. Also sounds like you love and trust your husband.
You were saying you really love him and you're attracted to him. So I was wondering, how do you experience the relation between being attracted and yet also being unhappy with anything sexual or touch at all? I was just wondering at which point along the attraction continuum (soul to body) there is a problem.
This is such a delicate issue and we're such complex souls. I wonder how much is... could there possible be some kind of sad memory that set off the depression? I dearly hope this is not a pushy or impolite question! It sure wasn't meant to be, and obviously you don't have to answer that.
Has your husband had a chance to express his feelings with some trusted person? Does he have any insight on when this started or whether there is some pattern?
I can't tell whether it's total numbness, or total overwhelm. The fact that any touch with him is disturbing, that would suggest overwhelm to me, and in that case forcing yourself might make things difficult. Also your husband could end up feeling really guilty.
A friend of mine had that happen, turned out she had some neurological damage and really could not bear being touched any more BUT she was really in love with her new husband! So he started this custom of very very gently combing her hair at bedtime, and she loved it.
Another friend became really asexual and it turned out what she needed was SLEEP. She missed four (4) years of nights' sleep because of a child sick in the hospital for 4 years, she spent the nights in the lobby or on the floor at his bed and she was just exhausted.
So I wonder, you sound like a sensitive person who is really looking for answers and I would like to think of you having some really super patient perceptive help with this!