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Re: Need more creativity
Autumn Views: 1,244
Published: 16 years ago
This is a reply to # 534,973

Re: Need more creativity

Dear 33075,

First of all, congratulations! Isn't that hopeful!

My first thought might seem kind of wacky or off-base, but I didn't just toss it off to be careless, I did think about your message first. Here goes.

At the end of "Women Who Love Too Much" there's an epilogue about a young woman who after a dysfunctional relationship finds a really great relationship. She says the sex is great but that she doesn't feel very spontaneous or imaginative about it and it's hindering her responses. The therapist suggests the opposite from what I'd expect; instead of recommending any new ideas to use with the new lover, she suggests taking a little breathing room to sit with the feelings that are already there.
(The book is not well written, and the therapist makes herself sound wiser than God, so that is annoying, but the book has good points too.)

In an abusive relationship one tends to be on guard and super vigilant about what HE wants and how to hand it over fast to keep him content and to perform bigger & better to keep HIM from getting bored. In a great relationship it can be a new experience to just relax and breathe and explore new sensations that come up when life becomes safe.

It could be really neat to slow things down even more instead of needing to add anything new.

Now you will be perfectly right if you say "Who is this nutty Autumn person? I just said the sex was great!!!"
You did, too.

Of course there are web sites and books, and some are very good, and go right ahead and have a nice time with those.

But now that you know that your sweetie sets a good table and is a great cook, it could be very cool to also start all over. Go back and spend a whole dinner hour appreciating one sprig of parsley in the garnish.

It could be surprising what our own bodies can teach us once we're safe.

More power to you!
Autumn person

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